Like Father, Like Daughter: Round One
by demented cookies
Summary: Artemis III is nothing like her father, a wealthy businessman. But then she overhears her parents in a private conversation...please R&R. Rated for mild language and what might happen in later chapters.
1. prologue

A/N: hey everybody!! Welcome to my...um...ninth or something fan fiction. Please read and tell me what you think. Constructive criticisms more than welcome but please _please _no flames. Thank you, and enjoy.

  
Prologue

Everyone's probably heard the term "like father, like son" right? Well, you know what? It's crap. Two reasons. One: it's so totally sexist. I mean, where'd the mothers and daughters go? Everyone should just say "like parent, like child" or something. But that's dumb too, leading me to the second reason: it's just wrong. It's a stupid saying made up by some stupid guy who thought he could be a...you know, one of those guys who make up stupid sayings. My name is Artemis Fowl, and I'm nothing like my father.

Okay, maybe that's exaggerating just a little. I still have that same black Fowl hair and deep blue Fowl eyes that make me wonder if I'm not just a female clone of my dad. It's possible, him being really smart and all.

I love my parents, I really do. But sometimes, no, _most_ of the time, they really get on my nerves. Both of them are geniuses and everything and I'm, like, the only non-genius besides Uncle Myles, Uncle Bennett, Grams and Gramps. So, anyway, I get back from school to that gargantuan palace I'm supposed to call home and I get out that homework that's killing my back and mom and dad are all peeking over my shoulders and whenever I pause for just a second, they're all like, "oh, dear, you need help on that one? Oh, my, that's so easy. You must not have been paying attention in class. Are you sure you're feeling alright sweetie pie? Usually you love math!" and I'm thinking _as ifff!_

But I think the time I really got annoyed at the 'rents was when I finally realized that pretty much everything mom and dad ever told me was a lie. I shouldn't have been too surprised since parents lie to their kids all the time, but this was huge. I mean, what could be huger than finding out after fifteen years that your old man's a criminal?

So I was sneaking around the house trying to find that secret passageway behind the bookshelf like that every mansion in every movie has when I heard my parents having some sort of argument.

I heard them right in the middle of their conversation and mom seemed to be telling dad to give something up. I heard dad say, "how can I give that up? It's my whole life? My father did it, his father, and his father before him!"

Then mom was all like, "Yes, and your father was almost killed doing it." I remember thinking _Gramps was almost killed? I thought he was a business-dude or whatever. So's dad._

That last comment seemed to make dad real angry and I heard his chair screech along the wooden floor. I tried peering through the keyhole like in detective movies and stuff but this was real life and that never works so I had to be satisfied with putting my ear against the door.

Then dad said sharply, "He wasn't careful. I'm not him. I am careful. I can empty a bank without getting caught or suspected and I've been doing that since I was a teenager. I would know these things, Minerva."

"Artemis," mom said, "remember what happened back in Munich? When you tried to take that painting from that bank?"

Dad snapped, "Yes, and I did."

Mom ignored that and said, "And if it wasn't for Captain Short, you'd have died."

Dad was silent and I was about to leave and just go check my email but then dad began talking again. He said, "I know, Minerva. But I was a child. I needed the fairies."

I have no idea what happened after that 'cause I'm copying this out of my diary and maybe my pencil broke or something and I went to get a sharpener than I forgot what I was going to write or something. You know, I have no idea why I'm telling you this. It doesn't take a genius to realize that this is supposed to be a secret, my dad being a criminal and still believing in fairies when he was fourteen. I mean, that's just embarrassing. He was supposed to be a genius.

So yeah, here's the moral of this short whatchamacallit. Never trust your parents. Hell, never trust adults in general. My name is Artemis Fowl III, and I'm nothing like my father.


	2. January 4th

**Sorry about the wait, my dearest readers. My family's in the middle of moving right now and I just haven't gotten around to it. Sorry! Here's my next chappie!! **

_ January 3rd, 2033_

Oh my freaking god. Sometimes I really hate my dad. Ever since I heard him and mom talking about his 'fairies' I never really trusted him. I mean, would you trust your dad if he believed in fairies? No, I didn't think so. Okay, so, back to the subject. I came home today wearing the normal black T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, black baggy jeans with the chains and torn knee, sneakers, dark make-up, and black and red nail polish. Dad just freaked out. Now I'm grounded for, like, life. I'm all telling him, "Dad, it's my clothes. You don't have to wear them."

And he's all like, "Kids who wear black nail polish are more likely to do drugs."

And I'm all like, "My god, dad! The internet isn't always right!"

And he slams the door and storms out of there. I didn't think a guy who never has an expression on his face would be so emotional.

Yeah, I know. Short entry. But what the hell? It's my diary.


	3. January 6th

**To tell the truth, this is one of the hardest fics to write I've ever written. It's hard to write from Artemis' point of view because, while she despises everyone including nerds, I kind of am a nerd. So yeah, I don't agree with most of her views. Anyway...onto the story. **_  
_

_January 6__th__, 2033_

Okay, I didn't write anything yesterday 'cause dad took away my diary. My diary, along with my computer, phone, iPod, and every other electronic in my possession. He says no electronics while I'm grounded. I'm like, "You can't take away my diary! I gotta write! Get things off my chest and onto my diary recorder."

And he says, "You should use a notebook for a diary. Like when I was a child." And I'm like, "That's for old people!"

Dad doesn't understand my need for things that need electricity. When he was a kid it was all paper and pencil and all that old people stuff. Laptops were almost a foot long! Can you believe that? And people used them! Thank god for technology!

Anyway, I persuaded my dad to give me back the things I need for survival. I like to check my email, listen to music, and write in my diary at the same time.

Okay, anyway again, school really sucks. What's new? Rhiannon Meengurl is possibly the most popular girl in school. Mom says she has the same name as some old rock song by some band she liked called Fleetwad Mec or something. Whatever.

Well, Rhiannon was friends with this one girl from my old school, Queenie, who was also a jerk wad like Rhiannon. Okay, so Rhiannon came up to me and said Queenie has been talking about me with her new found friends and says I'm a psycho retard. So I just said to her, "F off, b" (Dad programmed my diary to reject swear words). She turned on her stiletto heels and walked off saying, "Personally, I agree with her." Like any sensible girl would do, I told her some more swear words (that my diary won't accept, piece of crap).

Too bad for me, Mr. Wearde, my nerdy science teacher, heard me and so I got suspended. Three days with no school. I'm like, "You go, girl!" to myself.

Speaking of nerdy, there's this really nerdy guy at my school. He's complete with the really thick glasses, braces, freckles, and pocket protector. Well, he saw me writing in my diary after school (I keep it in my backpack now, 'cause dad'll take it away when I get grounded, which is, like, every day). He was all like, "You have a diary?"

So I look up at him glaring daggers and I'm like, "Piss off, nerd. Is it so awful for a girl like me to have a diary?"

He doesn't seem to notice when I say things like that to him, other people would sock me in the face. He just says, "I wouldn't think you would. I'm sorry, that doesn't sound very polite, does it?"

I just ignored him. I kind of feel bad about it…

Okay, anyway, mom and dad didn't really like it when I got suspended. They said, "You got suspended for swearing at another girl? Didn't we teach you it's not necessary to swear at people?" The only reason I'm finding the attention span to write a long-ish entry like this is 'cause it's the only thing to do while my parents have me locked in my room. 'Cause I'm grounded again. Surprise, surprise.


	4. January 7th

**Yay! Yet another chapter! Just for anyone who's wondering, I substituted all the swear words for...other things because I really want to keep this rated T, k? **

_ January 7__th__, 2033_

Today I'm here stuck in my room for getting suspended yesterday at school for swearing at Rhiannon Meengurl. The only thing I can do is sit here. Or go on the computer but I don't really feel like it. All I can think about is Rhiannon and her b1(t#y-ness. God, I need a boyfriend. Or maybe I don't since all boyfriends really do is dump you. And make you feel worse than you did before he became your boyfriend.

I had a 'boyfriend' in seventh grade. But it was seventh grade so he wasn't really a boyfriend. The only thing I can remember about that relationship is him dumping me for some girly-girl chick. Screw him. Screw anyone who won't date a girl who'll only wear black and red. I don't think I really liked him anyway. He was too much of a goody-goody. Teacher's pet and all that crap. Well, I thought he was, until he dumped me.

Oh, now I remember who he dumped me for! Rhiannon Meengurl. She's even more of a b1t(# now that I remember she stole my boyfriend. I think I beat her up after school that day. Then I got suspended for a month. More surprises.

Rhiannon's had, like, fifteen boyfriends in the last fifteen months. First one was Stanley Gercwad, fifteen months ago. He dumped her when he found out she was cheating on him with Victor Weerdman who would become her second, fourteen months ago. She dumped him when she got bored with him and Terry Pimpelfase became her third, thirteen months ago. But she got sick of him and his ugliness and broke up with him. Then came Johnny Kiutegy a year ago. She dumped him when she found out he was cheating on her with none other than one of her former 'buddies'. I guess he was the smartest of all the boyfriends. Then, eleven years ago, was Gary Dumas. I have no idea how they split up. Then was Chris Haerie, ten months ago. She broke up with him because she said the growing facial hair was scratchy. The next were Richard Laziman, George Cissy, Henry Stuuped, Andy Anderson, Ben Badbreth, Tom Kairlesman, Timothy Peenuthed, Maurice Krazidood, and Weston Stuppedson.

Just so any nosy diary-reader who just can't possibly mind his/her own business, I keep close tabs on Rhiannon so I can get her suspended or even expelled one of these days.

I think I'll tie my sheets together, climb out the window and go to the mall.


	5. January 8th

_January 8__th__, 2033_

Here I am, back in my room. Dad grounded me _again _even though I'm already grounded. Now I'm double grounded. So yeah, I tied my sheets together and climbed out the window. I was doing pretty good till I got down to the window of dad's study. Then I started hearing voices. Yeah, yeah, call me crazy if you will, but I'm telling you the truth. So I looked into the window and I saw mom and dad standing there looking down at this little three foot tall girl with red hair and wearing a black jumpsuit and…_mechanical wings!_

So I found a slightly open window and listened as hard as I could.

Dad said, "Holly, are you sure? Nothing has happened for the past sixteen years."

"Yes," mom said. "For the past sixteen years, our lives have been gloriously normal."

"True," the little girl said. "But what is normal? Years ago, when you and I were still having adventures with the LEP, that was considered normal for you, wasn't it?"

Mom and dad looked at each other then dad said, "Yes, that is true, but if I do go with you on this one, my life will be in danger. I could die and with my daughter being only fifteen…"

"Yeah, Artemis," the girl said. "Your life will be in danger. But if you and Minerva don't go with me on this one, the whole world will be. There's no telling what Amber will do."

"But how do we know this Amber is really a threat?" mom said, being her normal skeptical self. "Just because she's related to your old nemesis doesn't mean she will take after her mother."

"Uh huh," the girl nodded. "But half of all of LEP's successful missions have been successful because we were paranoid. We've been taking after Foaly a lot these days. Even some of our top officers are starting to wear foil hats."

Dad thought and then he nodded and said, "I'm fully aware you'll need me for this. I'll do as best I can."

"As will I," mom said.

"Good," the girl said. "But before I go, isn't that your daughter hanging on her bed sheets outside the window?" It took me a while to figure out she was talking about me and my parents were staring right at me through the window.

So dad told me I was grounded for the next month. I got back to my room and my parents were all staring at me angrily for, like, half an hour, like all parents do when they're really, really, _really_ mad. So I managed to break the silence.

"What?"

Then my dad decided to speak like a normal person instead of giving me a scary, icy, vampire stare. "What on earth were you thinking?" he said. "You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"Yeah? So?" I said. "Like you'd care. You'd barely notice I was gone."

"And on top of that," he said, "you eavesdropped on a very important and private conversation." Or something like that. Okay, so my memory's not the greatest, give me a break here.

"With who?" I think I said. "That little girl in the Halloween costume?"

"I…I…yes," he said. Wait, no, that can't be right…dad's never been speechless before has he? I mean, is it even possible for a genius to be speechless? I mean…nevermind.

I gave him that _uh huh, sure_ look, or whatever it's called. "Sooooo…you've been talking with little girls in Halloween costumes."

Dad didn't say anything just stormed out of the room and mom closely followed. Leaving me in my room. Where I have been for the past twenty four hours. Is it just me, or has every entry since the beginning of January 6th ended with me being grounded?


	6. January 9th

Okay so I admit that I am a complete idiot. Yes, me (who is still in her goddamn room, FYI), the daughter of two geniuses, or whatever the plural is, is a complete idiot. I finally saw what was under my nose the whole f-ing time.

Turns out there's a whole population of fairies below our feet. That's right, nosy diary readers. _Fairies._ I know it's hard to believe, but, oh my god, it is so true. Yeah, my _mom _told me, and since she's an adult she's most likely to be lying, but everything else fits so perfectly! Ever since I saw the little person in dad's study, I knew something was strange with dear old dad. No, turns out it wasn't that he did business with little girls in Halloween costumes. Actually he's been a friend of the _fairies _since he was twelve. Well, he wasn't really a friend at first, according to mom.

When it finally came to me and mom explained the whole thing, I couldn't believe it either. She said years ago, loooooooooong beore I was even dreamed up, and looooooooooooooong before my mom met my dad, he was a criminal.

"A criminal?" I said. "It's not so hard to believe someone as evil as my dad was a criminal."

He made many trips around searching for what fairies call the Book. When he finally found it, he used it to kidnap a fairy: the very same fairy I saw in dad's study.

"So she still comes and sees him even though he _kidnapped _her years ago?"

Yeah, so they went through this whole thing with a troll, a bomb, and the whole cop squad thingee. Then dad got a message that his dad was still alive and being hled hostage. So he wen to the fairies for help.

"And they helped him? Even though he kidnapped one of their officers?"

Okay, so long story short, he saved his dad, rescued a stolen fairy computer, helped in the arrest of a murderer, me my mom fought demons and switched an eye with his fairy friend, Captain Short.

"They switched _eyes?_ Wha…ew. Now that's just nasty. Too much information!"

Okay, now I'm totally in on the whole fairies and stuff scene. Lucky me! About time! Except now, I'm triply grounded because mom found out I spied on them when they were talking late last year.


	7. January 12th

_January 13__th__, 2033_

Sorry, little innocent diary, that I haven't written anything in four days. It was my dad's fault 'cause he found you in my backpack and took you away…FOR FOUR FREAKING DAYS!!! Some people have no feelings. Sad.

Okay so, back to the school subject. I've been back at school now that my suspension's over. I saw that nerd kid again. Ever since he talked to me a few days ago, I've been noticing him a lot more lately. Hell, I didn't even know he existed a week ago. Damn, I am sooo unobservant. Or whatever the word is. Wait, no, maybe it's a good thing I never noticed him. Isn't it, like, uncool to know the nerdy kids? And yet again, if people like Rhiannon are considered cool, I guess it's not such a great thing to be cool.

So, stupidly, I did the one thing that would make me even more of a reject than I already am. I talked to the nerd. Well, it wasn't my fault. I swear! He talked to _me!_

"Hello, Artemis," he said to me at lunch period. "I didn't see you the last few days around school. Were you ill?"

"Me? Ill?" I said, rolling my eyes. "Of course not! I was suspended, you idiot!"

"Oh. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. If you don't want to talk about it, I will not ask." I looked at the dirt when he said that and dug my toe into the ground. I don't know why I was getting so sensitive about it! The nerd kid was nothing special. Just a dude in thick glasses who dressed really badly. Oh, and if you nosy diary readers think I like him, the toothfairy's going to make you rich tonight.

Anyway, after school, I headed outside the gates and waited because that was where the bus picked me up every day. Seconds later, a big black limo pulled up and two people stepped out of the two front seats. One of them, a really_really_ tall lady with blonde hair in a ponytail, stepped out of the driver's seat and just stood there. The other, a dude with huge muscles got out of the passenger's seat and came up to me. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. My mom and dad are rich and everything, but I always like to take the bus. It makes my parents wonder where I am.

Okay, anyway, so the hot dude with huge muscles came up to me, and I could feel all the eyes of every single teenager out there on me and the guy in a big black suit in front of me. It was so quiet, you could have heard a kid fart.

"Artemis Fowl?" he said. He had a really, really deep voice that reminded me of Uncle Domovoi's.

I cleared my throat. "Ahem," I coughed. "It's Artemis Fowl _the third_."

He just ignored me and motioned for me to get into the limo. "Is this a kidnapping?" I demanded. "'Cause if it is, my dad'll sic Auntie Juliet on you and she's a wrestler, you know." He kept ignoring me and it was kind of getting on my nerves. He opened the door of the limo and escorted, no, _pushed _me inside. He got in the passenger's side and the lady in the driver's seat started the limo.

"Who are you people?"

The lady said I could call her 'Butler' and the guy was 'Davy'. "Butler, huh?" I said. "You don't happen to be related to my Uncle Domovoi, do you?"

Butler kept her eyes on the road and was silent. Then Davy said, "He's her uncle."

"Quiet, Davy!" Butler snapped. The two exchanged some more angry words till I interrupted them.

"Ahem," I said, coughing into my hand. "Why exactly did you take me from school?"

Butler looked at me over her shoulder and lifted her mirrored sunglasses. "Who are we?" she said. "We, Artemis, are your new bodyguards."


	8. January 15th

_January 15__th__, 2033_

I haven't written in three days 'cause my dumb dad told my dumb bodyguards that I "was not to write in that diary of hers, because she's not allowed to have electronics when I'm grounded". I finally found it in his room, in a drawer that was always locked. In it I found a little walkie-talkie thing with a screen and weird symbols on it.

Without knowing it at first, I raised one eyebrow the way dad does. I quickly put the walkie-talkie thing down and picked up my diary. Then I rushed back up to my room to write on it.

Okay, so that's the story of how I got this thing back.

Yesterday my mom signed me up for this stupid homework help after school program thingee. Well, nobody in their right mind likes after school homework help programs, right? Exactly! My parents seem so determined to make me a genius. According to them every Fowl should be a genius. Even the Mrs.'s. Just between you, my nosy diary readers, and me, they are secretly disgusted with the "lack of intelligence" of my uncles, Grams and Gramps. Well, I think they're all pretty darn smart. But that's coming from a strait F student, so don't mind me.

So anyway, mom signed me up for this after school thing and I'm supposed to show up right after school. Don't pass go and don't collect two hundred dollars. Like any sane girl would do, I complained and complained and complained some more, but my mom just wouldn't change her mind. To her, that would be giving up to the wishes of her stupid, unintel…inuntil…not so smart daughter who can't even pronounce uninte…intunel…whatever.

Okay, so I showed up to the after school thing and, oh my god, the place was full of nerds. Nerds and stupid people. The nerds helping the stupid people. There wasn't a hot guy in the place! I mean, what would make me hang out in a place with no hot guys? I got out of that stuffy, hot guy-less building as fast as I could.

I complained some more to my mom but, as usual, she wouldn't surrender. Of course, I'm not planning to ever attend.


	9. January 18th

_January 18__th__, 2033_

The past few days have been pretty normal. I spent all my time sleeping in class, getting grounded, getting F's in school, etc. It seems like the nerd kid is the only one who treats me with respect and like an equal even though both he and I know that I am so below him. Even if he _is_ a nerd.

I've been avoiding going to that after school thing, but my bodyguards are making it very hard for me. They watch me like a pair of hawks. I walk down the hall in Fowl Manor and I see them watching me behind those mirrored sunglasses. I get to school and they don't leave until I'm inside the building. After school when they drop me off at the after school thing, they don't leave until I'm inside that building too. Then I have to wait until they're around the corner to leave and go to the café across the street for a cup of coffee.

Then I get to the after school thing building at about 4:55 and wait for my bodyguards to show up, and of course, they show up right on time. Five o'clock exactly, not a second too late. Then they have to walk me into the house and won't let me go until I am within sight of my parents. I wonder: did dad have to suffer like this when he was my age? Or did his parents have enough mercy to let him go around by himself?

My bodyguards are _way_too protective. Can't you tell?

I think my parents hired them because I found out about dad's fairy friends. Fairies! Can you believe it? I mean, my family has never really believed all those stories. At least that's what I thought. But now that I know about the fairies, who knows? I might even start believing in…in…Santa! Or the Easter Bunny, or something! Not likely though, because I believe seeing is believing.

But now…I'm like a character in a story or something. I'm the only child of a couple who have known a species of fairies for decades and then I find out and life gets very complicated for me. Doesn't that just sound like a plot in a book? Well, not that I read books or anything. Not my cup of tea.


	10. January 20th

Sorry I haven't updated in, like, FOREVER, but now I am, so...yay!!! Ok, on with the story.

_ January 20__th__, 2033_

My parents found out about me cutting after school nerd thing already. Seriously, I thought I could do better than that. My parents had told my bodyguards to come and pick me up early without telling me and they saw me at the café across the street. Now they walk me in and make sure EVERYBODY knows I'm there. Talk about humiliating.

Ok, so I sat down at an empty seat and thought about how dumb this was and someone walked up to me and asked if I needed help. I looked up and there was the (cute) nerd kid!

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. Turns out he works there after school. It was the only way for him to get some money. He doesn't get allowance or paid for doing chores or anything because his parents work really late and are never home. He makes me feel so lucky. 'Cause, even if my dad didn't have a job, we'd have enough money to live pretty well for the next few decades.

While I was thinking about how lucky I was, I realized I didn't know his name! "I'm Joseph," he said when I asked. _Nice name,_ I thought to myself.

So, overjoyed that there was someone in this crappy place that I knew, I got out my social studies homework.


	11. January 28th

_January 28__th__, 2033_

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't write in six days. Don't have a cow. Yeah, so…updates. How has my life been updated in the past three days? Well, I've actually started getting decent grades. My last few tests, I actually got a C- instead of an F. I guess it helps that Joseph has been helping me study. That's nice of him. You know what I never noticed before? Joseph is in three of my classes! And I never noticed! I mean, a guy as cute as that…wait a minute. Did I just say cute? Oh my god…

Oh right! So today when Joseph was helping me in the after school thing, this guy walked in and wowee! Was he hot! But, you know, for some reason I didn't care. And he saw me sitting there with the 'nerd kid' as everybody labeled him. So he walked right up and was all big dumb guy with us. He said something like, "Isn't it sweet? The nerd kid's teaching his weird girlfriend addition."

Joseph just glared up at him then returned to helping me with my math homework. I rolled my eyes and ignored him too. I figured he must know what he's doing to have survived all these years in school as a nerd. Then the big tough (hot) guy grabbed him by his shirt and said, "Are you ignoring me, nerd? I think Fowl can last a few seconds alone with her math."

Then I stood up and said, "Put him the –censored- down, you –censored- -censored-." And to my great satisfaction, he let go of Joseph's shirt. Then he turned to me and said, "For once you're sticking up for someone, Fowl. Usually you're in your own little world. You're just like all stuck up rich kids. You think everything's about you." I think he was about the hit me the way he made his huge dumb guy hand into a huge dumb guy fist, but when he saw how every nerd and dumb kid in the place was staring, he pointed his huge dumb guy finger at me and said, "At school. Tomorrow. Prepare to die." And he walked his huge dumb guy self out of the place, swearing at me the whole way.

I saw all the people in the place staring at me and I sat down and rubbed the back of my neck. Joseph thanked me and asked if I was alright. I nodded but I was still thinking about what the huge dumb guy said about me being a stuck up rich kid. I asked him about it quietly and he laughed and said, "Of all the rich kids I know…actually, of all the _kids_I know, you are probably the least stuck up of all of them." That kind of made me smile but I couldn't focus for the rest of the day.

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.


	12. January 30th

_January 30__th__, 2033_

I didn't go to school yesterday. Or today, for that matter. I don't know why I'm so –censored- scared of this bug dumb bully. I mean, I used to be a bully myself! Hell, I still am. But maybe that's the only thing I'm really afraid of. Other, bigger, tougher bullies. My parents don't know I'm skipping school. I called in yesterday morning saying my grandma unexpectedly died and I'd be flying to America for a few days for her funeral. I'm surprised they actually bought it. Yesterday and today, I left in the morning and just ran around to the back of the house where I climbed back up to my room and hid there until my parents left for work.

Joseph is the only one who knows I've been skipping school. He keeps begging and begging me to come to school, and that that big dumb bully won't hurt me if I just stay close to where a teacher is. You know what? Yesterday I did the dumbest thing ever. I called Joseph to get my homework and come to my house to help me with it. I mean, isn't the whole point of skipping school not having any homework?

So that's what he's been doing. He finishes his job at the after school thing and comes to my house at 5:30. I said I'd pay him to do it, but he said no. We told my parents that we were doing a project together and that's why he's coming over everyday to help me.

Short entry, I know. But there's nothing much to write about.


	13. February 4th

_February 4__th__, 2033_

As usual, at 5:30 Joseph came over to Fowl Manor to help me with my homework. Ever since he first saw the place last month, he's "marveled at the spaciousness" as he says. My dad thinks he's a great kid. Joseph can almost keep up with my dad. He may not be fluent, but he "dabbles a bit" in the language of the geniuses (or genii, as Joseph corrected me).

So he came over today and I lead him up to my room. I can tell it's not exactly his favorite room. I have a lot of posters of popular rock bands and it's really, _really _messy. We sat down on my bed and I got out my English homework (my English teacher says I'm improving greatly, by the way).

Our conversation started to drift away from the subject of homework and we were talking about my little baby cousin, Uncle Myles's son, and I showed him a photo I had of him on my phone and Joseph told me how cute the little guy was. Then I did the second dumbest thing I have _ever_ done in my short life. We looked at each other and I said, "Well, I think _you're_ cuter." And he blushed. And _then _I did _the_ dumbest thing I have ever done.

I kissed him.

Sure, it was on the cheek, but that still counts right? He stared at me as his cheeks turned a bright shade of red. He touched the spot where I had kissed him. Then he put his hand on mine and smiled and squeezed my hand. I admit, at the time it felt like the stupidest thing I've ever done (and that's saying something), but it also felt good to have someone I could trust.

Joseph looked at the ground and asked me, "Does this mean I'm your…your…_boyfriend?_"

I also looked down at the ground and debated with myself in my mind whether I should say yes or no. "I…if you want it to. I guess," I said.

When he told me he'd never had a girlfriend before, I said, "Good. I'm your first." And that made him smile. I like his smile. He looks cute with braces.


	14. February 5th

_February 5__th__, 2033_

Joseph finally persuaded me to go back to school, even though that big dumb bully probably hasn't forgotten the little…incident back at the nerd joint. Jo has some amazing persuasion skills to convince someone as stubborn as me.

So that's what I did. I met with Jo in front of the school and we walked in together. I would have gripped his arm walking in, because I really _really _didn't want to fight that guy. But I didn't, because it won't help your popularity to walk in holding hands with the nerd kid. I tried to be as small as I could so I could get into the building without the big dumb guy seeing me.

My plans rarely work. I saw him walking like a big dumb guy up to me and said, "You weren't at school for the last week. You've been cutting. I could bust you for this."

I chuckled and backed up a few steps but he followed. I could see Joseph behind him biting his lip. I gave him that look that said "help me, Jo" and so he walked right up in front of that big dumb guy and told him to leave me alone.

Then the big dumb guy started that whole 'isn't it cute, you're defending your girlfriend' crap and he shoved Jo to the ground. Of course, like any girl that was anything like me, I got mad and punched him hard in the face. His nose started bleeding and got even madder than I was, which was pretty mad. I mean, wouldn't you get mad if some big dumb guy shoved your boyfriend?

There was already a crowd gathering, all screaming a taunting and shouting. Usually, the kids at my school would be pretty excited to see a fight between a guy and a _girl_ but they had gotten used to seeing me face down big tough guys after the fifth time. He shoved me down on the ground but I caught myself with my elbow, ripping the sleeve. I swore under my breath, knowing my parents were going to be pissed. I got up at once and swore at him for pushing me down and kicked him between the legs. His face turned red and he fell to his knees, giving me a chance to knee him under the chin. Sounds brutal, I know, but this is me I'm talking about.

I was about to punch him in the face again, but Joseph stopped me. He pointed behind him to a teacher that was hurrying across the yard to where all the kids were gathered. Jo pulled at my arm, suggesting we run so we don't get suspended. I gave that big dumb guy one last kick in the side and muttered, "That's for shoving my boyfriend." And then we slunk away into the crowd.

Of course, during first period, the principal announced on the loud speaker that 'Artemis Fowl III must come to his office immediately'. Everyone was looking at me as I left the room, knowing why I was summoned to the principal's office. Like all high school students, they always love to watch a fight.

As usual, the principal asked me the normal questions. "Did you hit this boy?" "Why did you hit this boy?" "Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in, young lady?" I knew all the answers that wouldn't get me in too much trouble by heart. After the tenth time reciting them, I could pretty much answer them in my sleep. I didn't want to bring up the exact reason _why _I beat him up, because the principal would just say: "That's no excuse" or "I don't care who started it. You're in charge of your own reactions."

I got suspended for two days. Nothing I can't handle. Of course, my parents freaked, but they're parents. It's their job to freak. So they said no mall, no movies, and no leaving the house except for emergencies. They were happy to allow Joseph come over everyday to bring me my homework. Though I get the feeling they're watching everything we do together. I think they're afraid we're, like, making out in my room for the whole time we're supposed to be doing my homework. Yeah right. I mean, how paranoid can they get? They don't even know he's my boyfriend yet.

So I think the fight went well. I only got suspended for two days. Sadly, that big dumb guy only got sent home for the day.


	15. February 8th

_February 8__th__, 2033_

Alright, alright. I know how eager you nosy diary readers are about hearing more about my dad's fairies. I'm such a bad, bad little girl. That's right, I was eavesdropping on my parents again.

I learned a bit more of this problem of theirs. It turns out there's this lady down underground (where the fairies live, FYI) who is making all these problems for this organization called LEP or something. She's the niece or daughter or some relation like that of this crazy pixie called Opal Ko...Ki...Kib...whatever. She sprung some accomplices out of prison and they're wreaking havoc up here. Well, not _here_exactly. They're in America. I think that's what they said. Or it could be South America. Well, where ever it is, it's somewhere west of here. That fairy that dad kidnapped a while ago said that this guy named Foley or something needs an extra genius to sort out this problem. The fairy lady said he could do it on his laptop from Fowl Manor, but he would have to be on for the majority of the day because this was 'a matter of life and death'. She said the existence of the people could be at stake and that this pixie was even worse than her mom or aunt or whatever.

I really wish I could talk to someone like Joseph about this. I feel so...secretive. I've never really kept all that many huge secrets like this one from anyone before. It gives you a kind of feeling of pride that you know something so huge that a whole species could collapse if you spoke of it to anyone.

But it's kind of scary to me too. I'm afraid my tongue might slip and everybody's going to know about this and the fairies will be locked up in zoos and labs and treated as animals by human beings.

In other words: I needed someone to talk to.

So today I asked my mom to tell me more about fairies. She sat me down in the living room and told me about 'the People'. She said there are eight families of fairies. Imagine my surprise when I learned that demons were among those eight families! I was skeptical at first, but after finding out about fairies, I learned to believe more, instead of asking questions. Of course, it's still good to ask questions, but...well...you know.

I also learned more about my family's history with the fairies. Mom said no one but her, dad, Uncle Domovoi, and me know about them. She said Aunt Juliet used to, but the fairies 'mind wiped' her. She said they also mind wiped dad and Uncle Domovoi, but they sort of..._rediscovered _. We sort of wandered away from the subject of fairies and mom told me Aunt Juliet used to be a wrestler. She showed me some of her old videos of her matches and that was pretty cool. I guess I sort of take after Aunt Juliet in some ways. Like the beating-up-boys way.

I asked why mom and dad hired bodyguards for me and she said it was because there was this pixie running around who...had ways of finding out who knew what and who lived where and all those personal things. She said it was dangerous enough being my dad's daughter, but even more dangerous once I found out about the People. She said that pixie was trying to eliminate every mud man who had ever seen or made contact with the fairies. My dad was probably number one on her list. I asked mom why this pixie was doing these things. She was silent at first, but then she said that it was because she had a problem with her mind and she was evil and cruel and, well, she didn't use this word, but it was what she meant: totally demented and insane.

I thought about it a little and asked her if maybe, just maybe, this pixie wasn't as insane and mentally unbalanced as everyone thought she was, and maybe she thought she was doing something helpful to the People. Maybe this pixie wasn't as evil as everyone thought she was and all she needed was to be pointed in the right direction.

Mom was silent some more and she sat next to me and stroked my hair as if I was three years old again. To tell the truth, I kind of missed when me and mom and dad would just sit in the living room playing Monopoly or Candyland or Pictionary and just have some fun together as a family. We used to do that. Even dad would join in. Grams and Gramps and Uncle Myles and Uncle Beckett and their families would all come over for dinner and we would all play Twister or BS or Clue and we would all have fun and finish the evening off with a movie. But once I turned thirteen, my parents just assumed I had grown up and didn't need them anymore. My grandparents and uncles would stop coming and we would stop playing games and having fun and having popcorn fights after the movie. Now my mom was sitting next to me, stroking my hair like when I was a toddler and I missed those times even more.

She nodded her head slowly. She said, "Yes, honey. We thought of that. But, well, the LEP doesn't like to think that way." She said the LEP likes to treat every criminal like they're evil, cruel monsters. "That's just the way things like LEP and the government and the police like to deal with things."

I said, "Well, maybe they should just put themselves in the 'criminal's' shoes and ask themselves if there really is a good reason for them to be locking the criminals up in cages with strait jackets like wild animals without thinking if the 'criminal' is just a normal person who just sees things differently and is willing to break the law just to make a positive difference in the lives of the next generation and generations to come."

From the look on mom's face, I think she was pretty surprised that what I said actually made good sense for once. Usually, all I said was "whatever" and "sure" and "I dunno" like a normal teenager. But what I said made sense and was actually pretty intelligent...at least for me.

All she could do was nod and hug me and bite her lip. And we both hoped dad would do the right thing about this.


	16. February 10th

_February 10__th__, 2033_

Oh my god. If dad's family wasn't rich, I have no idea why mom would have agreed to marry him. He's so wrapped up in his own insane life he barely notices anyone else is there! I tried to talk to him today about the People and this whole pixie problem. He didn't pay any attention. I told him what I had told mom but he had a whole different reaction.

"Artemis," he said, "I _am _a criminal. There is a very good reason to lock this one up. She _is_a wild animal. Already, a good friend of mine who also knew of the People was hospitalized by this madwoman. If the LEP hadn't arrived in time, she would have been dead. She does see things different, but that's the problem. She sees things wrong. She is not trying to make a positive difference." Geez, what a dweeb.

I argued back, saying he had no idea what this woman was thinking.

He said, "Artemis, I'm trying to protect you. If she isn't imprisoned soon, you may end up in the hospital, like my friend, or worse. Dead."

"Maybe it takes some casualties to get some privacy," I said. "How do you think they feel? How would you feel if there were _fairies_prying into private_human _business?"

"They already are," he said. "This woman is insane. My friend was just the first. Next she'll come after Domovoi and myself. And then Juliet, even though she was mind wiped over twenty five years ago, just because she made contact with the People. Then her daughter. Then she will come after Minerva and you. I don't care what you think. I'm not letting you come into danger."

I screamed back, "Well, I don't care what you think! She may just be someone who wants to do something good for everybody."

When I said that he sat down behind his desk and told me to leave.

As I left I said, "What do you know? You think you're a genius, but you don't know anything." I stormed out of the room thinking about how that was the longest conversation I've had with my dad since...well, ever.

Dad's probably furious with me, but I don't care. He just _thinks_he's a genius. Sure, he's good at math and science and all those things that everyone cares so much about. But he doesn't know anything about people and how they feel and how they work. He doesn't know anything about the things that really matter.


	17. February 13th

_February 13__th__, 2033_

Oh my god, I am so dead. When my parents catch me they will kill me everyday for the rest of my life. I'd better start writing my will now because when my parents find me I'll be too busy getting killed to write it. Oh god, my head is throbbing and I feel like I'm going to puke. All you nosy diary readers are probably wondering what I did that was so terrible. Here's what I _think _happened:

A few days ago I heard some girls at school talking about this huge party that was going on at this guy's house. It was going to be just a normal party where everyone gets drunk or high and start making out with a stranger, you know the drill. I told Joseph about it and he was like, 'no, Artemis, you're _not_ going to that party. You're going to get drunk or high and your parents will kill you everyday until you die.' God, I wish I listened to him.

I wouldn't budge and he eventually gave in and agreed to go with me to make sure I didn't get _too_ drunk. I assured him over and over again that I was going to stay completely sober till the end. He'd give me that look that says 'um...no you're not.'

This was going to be hard because a) I didn't have a car and b) even if I did have a car, I wouldn't be able to drive because my parents are so paranoid they won't even teach me until I'm eighteen. So I decided to do the smartest thing I could think of, which was also the _only _thing I could think of: I'd steal the car. Okay, I wasn't going crash or anything, because I wasn't going to be driving. Joseph's dad is teaching him how to drive and has been for the past few months and I thought he was good enough to do it by himself. I'm an idiot.

The party was in this huge house almost as big as mine (which is saying something) and it was packed. Loud music was playing over the stereo and you had to shout to be heard. I had to drag Jo in there and hold his arm to make sure he didn't run away. I found the beer table and helped myself to lots and lots and lots of alcoholic beverages. Seems like I had one glass to many (or more like _five _glasses too many) and I was as drunk as...as...a drunk guy.

I remember Joseph telling me over and over again how drunk I was and reminding me how I had promised to stay sober. Then I remember making out with him a little (or a lot, I was _very _drunk), and then I passed out. I think. I was drunk, I can't remember!

I sort of half woke up a few minutes later in the passenger's seat of my dad's car, Joseph was driving and arriving at Fowl Manor. I stumbled out of the car, drunkenly kissing Jo goodnight and him leaving to catch a bus home. I accidentally pressed the button to open the trunk, and I guess I wasn't too drunk not to know, and I stumbled around to the back of the car to close it. Then I think I passed out again.

When I woke up I was in the trunk of the car. It was dark and stuffy and I couldn't see the handle of the trunk to get out. Hell, I couldn't even see my hand only a few inches from my nose. Now here I am, still lying on my back writing this. The screen of the journal is making my eyes sore and water a bit. Sorryy abot alll the mistakeas...the driiver jus staartead the caar aagain and its' hardto pres the rigt letersr.


	18. February 18th

_February 18__th__, 2033_

Ugh. I haven't had time to write in days. You'd think I would because once my dad found out I had gotten drunk at a party I wasn't supposed to go to in the first place and that I was hiding out in the trunk of his car, he'd ground me without a second thought. Um...no, it wasn't like that. But I can't tell you how much I wish it was. Now here I am sitting in the waiting room in the hospital with a broken arm barely able to type because my fingers seem to have their own mind and are trying to take advantage of my anxiousness. Joseph was here a few minutes ago but could only stay a little while.

The Bentley was old. Dad got it from his own dad. I mean, dude! The thing is an antique. I thought it was going to last another few years because despite its age it ran great. Then...it crashed. It wasn't my fault! I was still in the trunk! That's why I'm still alive and my parents are practically in a coma. That's why I'm in the hospital if you haven't realized yet.

The nurse said I can go in in a few minutes and see them. Oh my god, I feel so horrible. How could this happen to me? If my parents don't wake up I'm never going to forgive myself. I just know this was my fault. That's partially why I feel like crap. The other part of my crappy feeling is caused by anxiousness. What if my parents never wake up? What if...oh my god.

The last time I talked to them was when I was lying about taking the car. The last thing I said to them was a lie. And then I went and took their car and got drunk. What was I thinking? What the hell was I thinking? How did it ever come to this?

I don't think I

Yes, I _meant_ to end it in mid-sentence like that. You'll see why next chapter.


	19. February 19th

Oh my god, I have been SO behind!!!!! I was supposed to post this on February 19th!!!!! Oh well. I've posted everything I've written since then so I hope you forgive me. Ok, on with the story._  
_

_February 19__th__, 2033_

Dad's friend is actually very nice. But wow! She looks a LOT younger than she says she is. It's hard to believe she was the one who dad went on his wacky adventures with when he was a teenager. She was nice. She seemed very concerned about my parents' condition. I guess she would. I mean, she's one of my dad's best friends. Oh, and guess what. Did you know that fairies had a healing power? I sure didn't. I wanted her to heal my parents, but she wanted to stay outside the window for some reason...

"I have to stay out here," were her exact words.

We had a nice talk. But, oh my god, her helmet is SO COOL. She let me touch it. It has all these cool buttons and thingees.

Okay, so I finally got to the point and asked her about this whole thing with a crazy pixie and trying to kill every human that has come in contact with the People. She seemed reluctant to tell me about it, but said that dad was in very serious danger. I was like, "chya! He's in a freaking coma! He could end up paralyzed for the rest of his freaking life! And what can you freaking do about it? You can't even come into the freaking building!"

She seemed to look at me sympa...sympo...like she felt sorry for me and said it wasn't her fault she couldn't go in. "It's against the Book," she said. "I assume your father's told you about that."

"He's told me nothing! Nada! Zero!" I said. She looked at me that same way again, kind of tilting her head slightly to the side. She put on her helmet and said, "Well, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to go. Just checking up!" And she flew off. Wow...


	20. March 4th

_March 4__th__, 2033_

Oh my god, I haven't written in SO LONG! You'll have to excuse me because there's a lot of stuff that has been happening recently. How about...my comatose father being kidnapped by an evil pixie with a demented mind? Apparently, this pixie has some human friends and she used them to get inside the hospital and throw my dad, secured in a big bag, out the window to the awaiting pixie in a pickup truck.

I had been just leaving the hospital when I saw a bag fly out the window and land in the back of a pickup truck. Luckily it was tossed out a window on the second floor and it was caught by some more people in the truck so I don't think dad got hurt. Now you're probably wondering how I knew it was my dad. Answer: I didn't.

The guys saw me watching and they kidnapped me too. I guess they didn't want anyone seeing them steal someone from the hospital. They gagged and blindfolded me and tied me up and threw me into the truck along with my dad. Now this electronic diary is dented and it's all. That. Wacky. Pixie's. Fault. I'M GONNA KILL HER!

When they took the blindfold off a few days ago, I was sitting in the tiny cold cell I'm in now and dad was all like, "What the hell are you doing here, Artemis?" Of course, he didn't say that, because dad never swears, even if it's as mild as 'hell'. It was more of a demand than a question, but being my dad, that's normal. He doesn't ask questions. He already knows _everything._ Well, when he does ask a question or two, it's probably only because he's mocking you, and he already knows the answer. Typical dad.

I answered by saying, "To be honest, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here either." And he started lecturing me about how he warned me to stay out of trouble and leave this whole fairy thing to him and mom and how I never listen.

I know what you're thinking. "How is her dad awake when he's been in a coma for the past few days?" Well, remember when I asked Holly to go into the hospital and heal him or something? That's probably what this pixie person did, because here he is sitting in this cell with that blank expression on his face he gets when he's thinking too hard. I have no idea how anyone can think that hard. My head would probably explode and dad would get mad at me for getting brains on his new suit.

Oh my god, I am so hungry. I never thought I'd feel this hungry ever, seeing as my dad's a millionaire and I've lived in a mansion with servants and bodyguards and all that crap all my life. But here I am, clutching my stomach in agony while I wait for someone to slide some stale bread and water through a hole in the door. Yeah, that's what we've been living on for the past, what, week. Stale bread and water. Two pieces each for every meal of the day and one glass of water for us to share. And it's not a big glass either. It's just one of those tiny plastic cups that I used when I was five. Hell, it's not even a glass! It's plastic like stuff that tastes like dust. Now I know why dad got me bodyguards and now I don't know why I didn't have them with me 24/7 (except when I'm the bathroom. That'd be just plain wrong).

To tell you the truth, I don't even know what this pixie person looks like. I keep imagining a tiny, two inch tall sparkly fairy with transparent wings that looks an awful lot like Tinkerbell. It doesn't really fit the evil, crazy, revengeful person she's supposed to be, but whatever. I like to think of Tinkerbell. Have you ever seen that movie? My favorite part is when Peter Pan, like, disowns her. I've found it funny ever since I was three. But I keep wishing that Wendy chick actually did fall onto those rocks and impale herself. I know, I know. I'm morbid.

Anyway, I'm not here to write about corny movies that make the original book look bad. I kind of got off topic, what with all the Tinkerbell-equals-crazy, evil pixie stuff that I was talking about.

I am FREEZING. It's, like, the north pole here. Where the hell are we anyway. Hell if I know. I once heard a girl at school say (it was a very rainy day) "Damn, it's cold as hell out here" and I couldn't help saying "Isn't hell supposed to be hot? Dude, you make no sense." Then she flipped me off and I got suspended for breaking her nose. I was like, "It's not my fault she makes up crappy metaphors!"

Now I'm wishing I at least brought a jacket with me when I got brutally kidnapped by crazy fairies. Though it wouldn't hurt if I'd brought, I don't know, a parka and those super warm boots some weird girls wear even when it's 'hot as hell' (there, girl who makes up sucky metaphors! Maybe you could learn something).

God, I wish Joseph were here. I need someone to snuggle with to keep me warm here. Why don't fairies use the damn air heater thingy? What do they think it's for? Decoration? I guess I'll just take a nap or something. Jeez, I don't even know the time of day!


	21. March 7th

_March 7__th__, 2033 (I think)_

Alright, I only THINK it's March 6th. I kind of counted every time I woke up as a day. Just so you nosy diary readers know, dad and I are still stuck in this 'cold as hell' cell and still wearing the same clothes from when we got kidnapped. That means dad's still in one of those hospital gowns. NOT a pretty sight.

You know what? I've had enough of this. I'm tired of living on stale bread and water, of being bored to death 24/7, of peeing into a jar, and seeing my dad in a hospital gown thing. I've had enough. I'm going to try to get out of here...somehow.

I tried bribing the guard to letting us out. The nice thing about being rich is you can just bribe people to get whatever you want. I mean, politicians do it! Why can't us normal rich people do it? Problem is...not everyone falls for it. Take that guard for instance. I offered him five hundred dollars just to get us out of here. He didn't take it. Dude! What kind of person will turn down five hundred dollars? Then I offered him a million and he still said no! Dad told me fairies didn't need human money and I was like, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Maybe if I hit the guard over the head and knock him out I can...no wait...the door's locked from the outside. Damn. I don't know what to do! Even dad, the 'genius', can't get us out! Not like he'd want to. Who'd want to be seen in public in a hospital gown? Especially if you look like him. Any poor innocent bystander who saw him would be immediately blinded by all the exposed skin. Seriously, I have never seen anyone as pale as him. Even me, and I'm pretty damn pale. But, man! It's unnatural! He looks like a freaking ghost!

Anyway, back to brainstorming an escape plan. I've asked dad about it, but he's like, "It's useless. The fairies are so much more technologically advanced, we humans are so stupid, blah blah blah." I'm like, "What if we just try? You're so freaking helpless, dude!"

I'm thinking about bending the bars, hitting the guard over the head and escaping through a window. Or maybe I can dig myself out of the cell with a spoon. That would be about as useful as the first. I seriously want to get out of here now! I'm sick of this boring cell! I miss my MP3...I miss my computer...I miss Joseph...I miss being home. I'm really starting to dislike this pixie character. I'll get out of here somehow.


	22. March 18th

_March 18, 2033_

Yeah, I probably should have gone with the spoon idea. It would have been much safer. Oh, but guess what...I found out where we actually were, what the date was, and who exactly had kidnapped me and my dad! Yay me! 

So it looks like the person that kidnapped us actually cares a smidge about us because she sent house cleaning! A little, three foot tall person with pointy ears wheeled her cleaning cart into here. She was all making our hard-as-rock cots and dusting the corners and everything. I guess she was practically blind because I managed to hide in the cart while she was still cleaning. It was a bit of a squeeze but I was able to fit...surprisingly. My knees were up to my chin and it kind of stunk in there. Well, yeah, I haven't taken a shower since the beginning of this month. The day I got kidnapped. Ew, I know. 

So, just like in a stupid movie, the cleaning lady wheeled me right out of there. My dad didn't even notice. He was just staring straight ahead with his normal expression: totally bored with everything. I silently promised him I'd come back with back up. Maybe his fairy friend with the cool helmet would help. That'd be cool of her. I should probably have realized I was practically committing suicide, leaving my ugly, cold, yet safe cell. I was too busy congratulating myself and patting myself on the back for my idiotic bravery to notice the cart stopped and half a dozen pairs of eyes were looking at me. 

I only realized I was caught when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me upright. Or more like pushed me upright. This person was more than two feet shorter than me, but man, for someone that puny he was super strong! He managed to keep me standing up and in place while I trembled in fear in front of these tiny, evil people who kidnapped me. 

I think the scariest of them all was the female. She was short, even compared to them. Maybe two and a half feet tall. She was extremely pretty. I totally envied her hair. It was dark like mine but it wasn't stiff and ugly. She had these amazing green-ish eyes she looked just like the evil (but incredibly hot) villain it all those corny movies. I hated her at once. 

She had that cool evil person laugh that all those movie villains had. She was a total cliché and she probably knew it. I wish I had a laugh like that. It's totally creepy and cool. You know how all those evil people in comic books and movies and stuff laugh like, "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha," right? I had no idea where the hell that came from until I met her. I mean, how many people you know laugh like that? "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha." I thought it was LAME-O. But now I know. It comes from people like her who probably do it on purpose. "Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha." Give me a break. It's so evil. That's why I want it.

Okay, anyway, back to the subject. Here's what I know so far: our kidnapper's name is Amber Koboi, the niece of this person called Opal Koboi (I think dad's mentioned her once or twice). She's sort of taken a disliking to us humans interfering with fairy business and so she's dedicated her life to planning the tragic 'accidents' that will befall any human that has ever come in contact with a fairy, even if they don't remember, like my Aunt Juliet. So far, she's only put one poor woman in the hospital who didn't remember even seeing a fairy. I suppose she wants to kill absolutely EVERYONE who's seen a fairy, even if they didn't even know it was a fairy, just to be safe. 

My dad's at the top of her list, and my mom and Uncle Domovoi are right behind him. 


	23. March 21st

_March 21__st__, 2033_

Seriously, for someone who's supposed to be an evil genius, this Koboi person is really stupid. Even me, who is probably even stupider, knows she's being really stupid. I mean, who in their right minds would hold someone hostage only a mile or so away from their own house? Dude, she's seriously got to rethink her plans. Look how easily I escaped! I'd like to say I dug out of here with a spoon, but then I'd be lying.

Just like in some cheap movie, one of the stones in the floor was loose. I know, total cliché. But at least I'm out, right? Dad finally snapped out of his genius-plot-constructing coma and followed me, though hesitantly. He thought it would be a trap. Typical dad. 

I was really thankful that the tunnel below the cell we were in was so dark: I didn't have to be blinded by my dad's unnaturally pale skin, disgustingly revealed by his hospital gown. 

It was a very...unusual tunnel. The walls were covered in this...yellowish-greenish, glow in the dark stuff. Some parts were wider than others and in some of those parts there were little animal bones just sitting there, decayed. It was nasty. Most of the tunnel was really small though, so both us us had to crawl on our hands and knees. The ground was all mushy and the air smelled like fart or something. 

When we saw the animal bones, I asked dad about it. I was scared there was some sort of wild, dangerous, man-eating animal in this tunnel. Dad said no, but he said it was definitely recent. "The 'animal' that made this tunnel doesn't eat humans," he said. "They find them disgusting. Bitter, I heard one say." Even in the dim glow from the gross greenish-yellowish stuff, I could see him smirk.

I was about to question him about the animal "saying" something, but I decided against it. After all, in a world of fairies and magical creatures, you have to learn to believe unbelievable things. 

We just followed the tunnel for what seemed like forever. I was beginning to give up hope and just fall down and die from the unbearable stench when dad motioned for me to stop. I couldn't take the smell any longer, I would have fainted, if he hadn't said, "I hear voices."

We followed the tunnel until it started going up. At the top we saw a light and the voices got louder. When we burst through the end of the tunnel mom was there and there was a little hairy creature sitting at the table across from her. 

Dad called him "Mulch." 

"I knew I recognized the smell," he said to him, and the Mulch person just laughed. He said he'd gone through every cell in the place till he finally got to ours. He hadn't gotten us then only because the cleaning lady was in our cell...the very same I almost escaped on. If I hadn't tried to escape then, we would have had to endure just a few less hours of that cold, disgusting cell. Isn't life funny? 

Well, my bodyguards' rooms were moved closer to mine so I can't go _anywhere_ without them. Even at school they stay right outside the gate now. It's scary. Joseph's just glad I'm back. 


	24. March 30th

Sorry I haven't updated in forever. I was on vacation and I didn't have a computer for a few days. Imagine the horror. Anyway, on with the story.

* * *

_March 30__th__, 2033_

Looks like that stupid, stinky ball of living hair made a huge mistake. Don't get me wrong! I'm grateful he rescued us from the evil, clawed hands of that cruel, cold pixie, but I have to admit...he shouldn't have gone to _every _cell looking for us. Turns out there were some trolls in one of the ones he looked in.

Here's the whole story: Joseph and I were hanging out in my room. Just hanging out, because I know what you're thinking and that's just wrong, you dirty minded nosy diary readers. Yeah, we were hanging out and I got hungry and so we went down to the kitchen to get something to eat and that troll bust its way through the floor and attacked us. At first I was thinking, "Hey, watch those floors! Do you know how much they cost?" which I now think was extremely cavalier. Too cavalier, if you ask me. I should have been concentrating on not getting Jo or myself killed by those gigantor, dreadlocked monstrosities.

Apparently, mom and dad heard those gorillas ruin the kitchen floors and came running, being the stupid geniuses (or genii, my dad always corrects me) they are. I mean, why not let your stupid, good-for-nothing, teenage daughter and her boyfriend die at the hands of some evil trolls and live the rest of your life not having to worry about them? That's my dad's way of thinking.

The first thing the bigger of those trolls did was grab me and pick me up. I saw Joseph hitting it with a chair to get it to put me down, so the troll obeyed...throwing me against the wall. Gee, thanks Jo. I really appreciated that. I don't know what happened next because I was unconscious when I fell after hitting the wall. All I know is I'm back in my cozy little cell. Only this time Joseph is with me because my parents apparently decided to just get the hell out of there when I got kidnapped. Again. Faithful Jo stayed with me, though. God, I absolutely love my boyfriend.

Well, it seems the evil pixie lady just put one more innocent human on her list. Poor Joseph.

Yeah, so he knows about the fairies now. I told him a little about how it's because of my dad we're now about to die. He'd doomed us both over two decades ago when he kidnapped a fairy. That knowledge just comes with knowing about fairies. Everyone who knows about fairies knows about how twelve year old Artemis Fowl II kidnapped one. It's common knowledge.

You can just guess Joseph's reaction. "_Luckyyyy!_" he said. "I wish my dad was like that."

I keep watching the floor in case that maniacal dwarf decides to try and free us again. Jo is still pretty skeptical when I said a dwarf freed me last time. He thinks this whole fairy business is cool, though. I told him to wait till he met Amber Koboi. Then we'll see if how cool these fairies really are.


	25. May 12th

AAAHH!! I HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING IN A MONTH!! I apologize. I am really distracted by school stuff and all that. The year is coming to a close and there are so many things we have to do. Including study for tests and all that. Anyway, on with the story.

_May 12__th__, 2033_

Artemis hasn't been much in the mood for writing. That's why she hasn't written anything in...has it only been a month? Time crawls so slowly when you're stuck in a cold cell, even when you're with your girlfriend. You'd think it would be a teenage boy's dream to be alone in a room (with a bed) with his girlfriend and with almost no chance of them being...interrupted. But let me assure you "nosy diary readers", nothing has happened. At night we don't even sleep in the bed at the same time. We've been alternating turns in the bed so one of us is on the floor at night, and I have to say it hasn't done much for my comfort. I wake up every morning with my back aching and my neck feeling as though I held it at an awkward position for hours...which I did actually. Honestly, I don't really care if I get the bed or the floor. I can barely tell the difference between the two anyway.

I'm straying from the subject. I apologize. Artemis has tried again and again to write something, but it ends up being...well...unreadable, actually. At least in my opinion. Right now she's pacing our cell hoping her parents were right and she has some genius buried somewhere in that "stupid, idiot, probably-nonexistent brain", as she says. So while she's racking her brain for a plan to get us out of here, she told me to write down everything that's happened since she last wrote.

I have to admit, this isn't going to be much. For someone who has the misfortune of being labeled "nerd" at school, I'm certainly not much of a writer. Even Artemis is probably better than me (no offense to her).

Okay, I'm not exactly doing what she told me to do. The reason she wants me to write this everything down is so we won't forget it. But I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to forget this, so I see no reason for me to write it down. But I should probably do as she says. It's her diary, anyway.

Let's see...this morning the guards brought us our breakfast, which was surprising because they don't usually feed us until noon, and again at seven o'clock in the evening. I don't know why. The cooks must be lazy or something and don't get up till late.

But for the breakfast we had, I don't think cooks were required. You hear about prisoners being served stale bread and water, but we would have been lucky to get that. The guards don't seem to know there's two of us in here because all we got this morning was a weird looking...thing that looked somewhat like a small piece of bread. But it was sort of green and sort of mushy but crumbly at the same time, like Play-Dough that's been sitting out too long. The small – maybe three-inch-tall – drink was a kind of dark (but transparent) yellow that resembled...um...well the point is neither Artemis nor I wanted to drink it. Who knows what it was? Maybe it was completely harmless. It could have been apple-juice. Do fairies drink apple-juice?

Artemis told me last time she was here she totally lost track of time and had no idea how long she was gone till she got back, so you're probably wondering how I know when we get fed and what the date is. Well, let me assure you, I'm not called a "nerd" for no reason! The only way Artemis is able to tell time is by looking at the clock on her phone, which doesn't work unless there's a connection, but me – gloriously smart me – carries a wristwatch around with me on my...well, wrist everyday just in case my phone can't tell the time for some reason. I know, I know, I'm a genius. Well, maybe not quite as smart as Artemis's dad, but still.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I was starting to describe exactly how horrible our life here has been. When we get out of here I'm going to go home and take a half-hour shower. I hope it will at least clean off some of the stink. The guards don't let us out of this cell, even to take showers or wash up, so we probably stink pretty bad. On top of that, I have seen at least two dozen rats a day run back and forth through here. If you add that to all the dust and insects, you might get the idea of life here.

Artemis and I have tried everything. The first thing she did was to check all the stone slabs that make up our floor. No luck. The only thing she got out of that was a broken nail.

She also tried hitting metal pieces of the bed (yes, it comes apart into holdable pieces. That's how cheap these fairies are) against the floor like her father said a fairy did when he imprisoned her in Fowl Manor. Apparently fairies have harder floors than us humans.

She tried bribing the guards again, but not only did they not take the money, they closed the barred window in the door so we couldn't even offer them more.

I can't help but wonder what my parents are thinking. I've probably already been reported missing. What will I say to them when I get back?

If I get back.

Whenever that will be.


	26. May 14th

_May 14__th__, 2033_

Dear diary,

This place stinks like rat poop. I would know.

Sincerely,

Artemis III

P.S. I don't _care_ if the 'dear diary' thing is a total cliché. I just _feel_ like using it today.


	27. July 10th

A/N: I apologize for not having written in so long. I'm not going to lie and say that school has been a hassle, since that ended summer camps have been all day and without rest, I've had writer's block, etc. Truth is...I've been too lazy to write anything. But the point is here I am now! Did you miss me? I know you did. Anyway...on with the story!

_July 10__th__, 2033_

Okay, now I am satisfied. Yesterday was our first real meal since...well...forever. Maybe these fairies aren't as bad as they seem.

I tried to escape yesterday morning. I tried slipping out on the food cart again. Joseph came with, of course. Who could leave him behind? But the guards caught us right before we entered the kitchen place. This time both of us were taken straight to the head fairy lady. Amber, I think her name was. Amber Koboi.

This was the first time Joseph had ever seen her. From the look on his face I could tell he was pretty surprised. He was probably expecting some evil-looking, ugly, old fairy that spent her entire life (which was about a hundred and fifty years according to dad's friend, Holly) tracking down humans.

Instead he saw her. All her poofy long hair that most girls would kill to have, her fashionable clothing that looks good on the models but makes normal people look like they're trying to be pretty. But I have to say it looks pretty good on _her_.

I don't know why they brought us there. I think that Koboi lady just wanted to gloat over our, what, thirtieth failed attempt to escape.

I got pretty mad, and I think I said something like, "You demented freak. What's the point of keeping us here? Why don't you go after all they _other _humans? My bodyguards are going to come and get me, you know. And you know what they'll do to puny fairies like you? They'll tear your limbs off, pry your eyes out of your face, one at a time so you have to watch with your only eye as they squash the other under their feet. They'll skin you alive, literally, and roast your skinless body over an open fire on a spit and glaze you in barbecue sauce until your muscles and fat are shiny and polished and then feed you to the dogs."

Though most of that speech, Joseph was staring at me as if I had just said the most disgusting thing...which I think I did.

"Me?" Koboi said, laughing at me. "I'm the demented freak? After what you threatened to do to me, I'm starting to think someone else is."

"My dad knows who you are," I think I said. "So does my mom. I know other people too. They know all about you and they're not going to let you get away with this."

You should have seen the expression on her face. She was smiling, but she had this...wicked air around her, an evil presence. Mwahahaha. I felt very...very...very small.

"Do you?" she said. And whispered something in another pixie's ear. Then the pixie brought us here. To this room. And I'm not exaggerating when I say this room is better than my room. And I'm freaking rich! So that's saying something. This time there's _two _beds, both king-sized with really fluffy blankets and big pillows you see in staged for-sale houses. The carpet is really thick and feels nice. If the bed wasn't so comfy I'd have been satisfied with just sleeping on the rug.

Joseph, that worry-wart, is still convinced the fairies are going to murder us in our sleep. Or at least torture us or something. True, it's weird how they just up and put us in this really cool room, but it was really nice of them!

"This is a trap," Joseph said yesterday. "They want us to trust them so you can tell her all you know. Don't trust them, Artemis."

I ignored him. Proudly too. I know several girls at school who are so completely devoted to their boyfriends that they will do just about anything he says. "Go rob a bank," the boyfriend can say. And the next thing you know that girlfriend's in jail. So now here's Joseph, telling me not to trust the fairies, and here's me, ignoring him. I pat myself on the back! Good job, Artemis Fowl!


	28. July 14th

_July 14__th__, 2033_

Okay, now I'm starting to think Joseph may not be as paranoid as I thought...The fairies are acting strangely suspicious...


	29. July 15th

_July 15__th__, 2033_

They took her this morning. Now, according to the clock on the wall labeled "human time", it's seven thirty-five and she still hasn't come back. I'm starting to have a strange feeling about this place. No, I'm not _starting _to. I've been feeling this way since they brought us here. But I'm getting this weird tight feeling in my stomach. It's as if my insides have been tied up in a knot. I'm feeling as though Artemis isn't coming back.

I know, I know. I probably shouldn't think that way. I'm being an awful boyfriend. I should be in denial right now. My mind should be telling me, "she's not dead! She's not dead! She can't be dead. I'll die if she's dead." But it's not. It's telling me that she is dead and I'm never going to even see her body. God, I hate this whole damned situation.

But I wish someone, anyone, would come and get us! Just so I could know what's happened to Artemis. No matter what my mind tells me, I don't know for certain what's happened to her. I don't want this to turn into some Romeo and Juliet story. Not that it would. I doubt Artemis would commit suicide if I killed myself for her. Life goes on, you know?

My god, I'm supposed to be smart! Why else would my classmates label me nerd and brainiac? I have to find some way to get out of here. None of Artemis' ideas worked. I'm not actually that surprised. She was never one for thinking of genius escapes, if you know what I mean. She once tried to escape from the classroom after school when she got detention but the overweight, nearsighted, sixty-five year old school secretary caught her.

If only her father were here. From what Artemis has told me, Mr. Fowl specialized in genius escapes. She told me that her mother had told her how Mr. Fowl once escaped from the Spiro Needle, formerly one of the best secured buildings in the United States. Artemis herself had no idea what on earth the Spiro Needle was, but that's only because she never paid attention when the class read through the classroom history book. It's right in there in Live History! Volume 11: "Technology", special edition, section 3, chapter 7, on page 362. Don't ask me how I remember that.

Of course, the history book never even so much as mentioned Artemis Fowl II, so I'm guessing he is pretty darn good.

I don't think I should really worry. I'm sure it takes a month at least for them first to figure out where exactly we are (even I'm not so sure about that part), and devise a plan to get us out without anyone getting hurt. But I am worried. I can't help it. God, where is Artemis?


	30. July 16th

**Yay! I've passed the 100 reviews mark! I think I'm going to throw a party. Thank you EVERYBODY who has reviewed (and more reviews would be awesome ;) wink).**

_July 16__th__, 2033_

I should probably feel guilty, not only looking inside, but writing in Artemis' diary. But she told me to keep track of everything that's happened, so I don't feel guilty so much as dedication to fulfill what could have been her last wish. Of course, I'm not certain it was, and I definitely hope it wasn't, but I would actually start to feel guilty if I didn't do this.

And yes, it is now almost two days later and Artemis still hasn't come back. I don't know what on earth is going on, and I really want to know.

I tried to get the information out of the guard a few hours ago. Though I'm not sure it would have done much good even if the guard actually wanted to tell me. I doubt guards are told that kind of stuff. I'm sure if I were Amber Koboi, I'd want only my second, and maybe third, in command and myself to know where the prisoner was taken and why. In books there have been various cases of someone betraying their side to assist the other and I'm quite certain Koboi has read several.

Anyway, all the guard gave me in return was a gruff snort. Not much help at all.

Even in this grand, well-decorated room I feel almost more scared than if Artemis and I were still in that tiny, cold cell. Without Artemis it's easy for one to feel alone. I'd never really had any real friends until Artemis. I guess I've gotten used to the idea of having someone to talk to, even if she barely understands half of what I say. It's almost as if we're speaking different languages.

I'm not sure I'm doing such a great job of telling what has happened. My mind is wandering. Excuse my rambling.

I've noticed strange symbols on pretty much everything in here. The most common ones I've observed are a dragonfly shaped...something and a zigzagged line underneath random symbols. Between a set of symbols is a solid black dot and the occasional arrow. It didn't take me long to guess what this was: the fairy language obviously. If humans have their own languages, why shouldn't fairies?

If a set of symbols is a word, and the dot is a space perhaps, maybe these symbols are like letters. An alphabet. It's possible. But then, the dot could just be another symbol like the dragonfly or zigzag line and the language could be based off characters, like Chinese or Japanese. Or Egyptian. A symbol for each separate word. Anything is possible.

I wonder...if I could decipher the language, I might be able to find out what has happened to Artemis. Again, anything is possible.

But then again, the symbols could be just decoration, a trademark design belonging to a certain company.

I wonder if Mr. Fowl can read it. Artemis tells me he was a good friend to the People (that's what the fairies call themselves, is it not?), some of his best friends were fairies. Maybe he can. That would be very helpful. To tell you the truth, I think it would be fascinating to learn that language, even though all the fairies I've met so far have not been very good people. And apart from Amber Koboi, quite stupid too.

Though it's more than likely there are nicer fairies out there. I mean, look at the human race. There's Hitler, then there's Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. There's George W. Bush, then Al Gore. It's a big world out there.

Anyway, I'll write more about this "secret language" when I learn more about it.

You know what really bugs me about this whole thing? Artemis is supposed to have bodyguards, right? How exactly are they getting paid when they allowed Artemis to be captured like this. It doesn't make any sense.

Artemis told me that her mom told her about how her Uncle Domovoi, who she had thought to be a friend of the family, was once Mr. Fowl's bodyguard. Apparently, Artemis' Uncle Domovoi was the best in the business and almost never let any harm come to Mr. Fowl. And on those rare occasions Mr. Fowl _did_ happen to get hurt or kidnapped or whatever, his bodyguard would rescue him right away.

Maybe the Fowls aren't paying Artemis' bodyguards enough.


	31. August 25th

A/N: I know, I know. I probably would be annoyed too if someone didn't update for, like, a month. I know how you guys love me. But here it is!!

_August 25__th__, 2033_

You know, I find it really sweet how Joseph was all worrying about me while I was gone. It's also pretty sweet he took it upon himself to write down what happened while I was gone. And now, _I'm _taking it upon _myself_ to write down everything that happened to _me._

So Koboi's henchmen, or henchfairies, came to the "apartment" and said that she wanted to speak with me. I decided to go along, much to Joseph's dismay. God, he can be such a worry-wart at times.

I imagined Koboi would strap me to a chair and put me under a bright light and she would stand in the darkness and ask me questions. If not that I'd be handcuffed to a chair at a table and she and other fairies would examine me from behind one-way glass.

Actually, she sat me down in a really nice armchair and she sat across from me. She _did_ ask questions, but in a friendly way. She also gave me the same story dad gave me about this whole thing, but from her point of view.

She said to me: "You've been having problems with your parents, have you not?"

I paused. "Well..."

She reminded me of the times my mom had nagged me about my homework and dad had yelled at me for having a different oppinion than him until finally I had to nod reluctantly.

She said: "Well, I can make that all go away. Your father no doubt has told you of my plan to kill all humans that have had contact with fairies. And no doubt he has made his opinion of me clear. Well, I can tell you this: my version of the story is much different. All I plan to do is capture all the humans that have come in contact with fairies, hold them prisoner for a while. Then kill them. And now you and your friend who is still in your apartment know of us, correct?"

_Well, duh!_ "Yes."

"This means I'd have to kill you two, correct?"

I was starting to get scared. "Yes."

"I'm not going to. But only if you tell me who else your father has mentioned. Any friends of his that have seen a fairy?"

I thought about it. Yes, I am sorry to say that I actually thought about it. What is happening to me? True, mom and dad aren't always there for me. They have their own work to do. I thought about it for a long time. But I finally said:

"No."

"You haven't heard him mention any friends who had seen a fairy?"

"I don't mean that," I said. "I mean no, I won't tell you anything."

Well, it would be an understatement to say she got mad. She told two bulky grayish green guys to take me away. They dragged me out of there by my armpits.

Koboi spent the next few days trying to pry information out of me. It wasn't all that painful. She didn't, like, break my fingers or stick my full of pins. That would be nasty. She just left me there for days in a dark hole that smelled like rats. It was back to the food Joseph and I had been eating back in that cold dark cell. I didn't eat it though. It looked and smelled no better than the other food had.

I probably lost ten pounds in those few days.

_But I'm back now. Thank goodness._


	32. August 26th

A/N: Since you guys have been so patient with me and my inconsistentness, I've decided to give you guys an extra chapter. I have no idea what day it is where you guys are, but right now right here it's August 25th.

_August 26th, 2033_

We're out. Joseph and I are out. My parents finally remembered to check on me and found I wasn't there. It's quite a story actually. My parents weren't the ones who actually got me. It was actually a squad of little fairies dressed in black uniforms and helmets carrying big guns. Well, relatively big guns.

We had no idea what was going on. We heard a thump outside the cell door and it opened and about five black clad fairies stood there holding up their guns. The guard was slumped on the floor. I guess that's what the thump was.

Joseph thought they were also trying to kill us at first. I mean, they appeared to be aiming their guns at us. Would you trust someone who was holding a gun to you? No, I didn't think so.

So they broke open the door and just said, "Follow us." They had cool accents. I couldn't really place it though. At first I thought Australian. Then I thought French, but that's weird because Australian and French accents have nothing to do with each other.

They got us out of there fast, no complications or anything. Nobody tried to stop us, which I thought was kind of weird. But I guess the bad guys here weren't like the bad guys in movies and would think twice before trying to stop guys with big guns.

We came into this big room, concrete walls and everything. Even when we got into that room, the guys in black never strayed more than a foot away from the two of us.

In the room was a ship. Like in Star Trek. We had to duck to get into the ship. I guess it wasn't built for comfort because there was barely enough room to turn around.

My parents sure seemed happy to see us. We got in the door and my mom practically tackled me. She was crying too. I was going to say that she was getting my shirt wet, just to make things a bit cheerier, but I couldn't. I guess I was just as happy to see her as she was to see me. Even dad seemed pretty joyous. I don't remember seeing him ever being happy before. Uncle Beckett told me when dad tries to look "jolly" he looks like he has to use the bathroom.

But something happened that will probably be recorded in the history books and kids a hundred years from now will read about how Artemis Fowl II actually hugged his daughter Artemis Fowl III. An incredible feat for Mr. Artemis Fowl II! I still don't quite believe it happened. I just...did.

Though I have to say it wasn't bad. No, not bad at all. I actually felt close to him for those few moments.

Joseph must have known what I was feeling, because when I looked over at him he was smiling.

Joseph's parents were there too. They both cried a lot and hugged a lot and I think I was feeling jealous for a little while. Seeing Joseph's family be so close...and mine so far apart...It's not a good feeling.

Our parents weren't the only ones there. My dad's friend, the one who had been hospitalized by Koboi and her freaks, had come. She doesn't seem like one who would be dad's friend. I mean, she's a fun person. She's funny. But she could be improved. If she were twenty, or maybe even twenty-five, years younger I would like her so much better. The only thing I don't like about her is that she's an adult. You can't trust adults.

Ms. Jeffreys is actually a distant (very distant) cousin of my dad's. They knew each other since they were infants, but never really befriended each other till they were both teenagers. Ms. Jeffreys had found out about fairies totally accidentally, but she was mind wiped when she was fourteen. She never got her memories back until that night Koboi's henchfairies tried to kidnap her. Wouldn't you remember fairies if they tried to kidnap you?

So anyway, she was there.

Aunt Juliet and Uncle Dom nearly crushed my ribs too. I mean, both are super strong and everything, Aunt Juliet being a retired wrestler and everything.

Dad also gave me something. It was a little sticker like thing. He told me to put it somewhere on myself, like my back or something, that I can't easily reach. He told me it was a tracer. My first piece of fairy technology! A few months ago I would have thrown it away, but I didn't want to take any chances. My imprisonment was one of the worst experiences _ever._

I excused myself to the bathroom and lifted up my shirt to put it on. It took some reaching but I finally stuck it to my back an inch or so lower down than my bra strap. As soon as it was secured on my skin it disappeared. I reached by hand back there and touched the spot I thought I'd put the tracer.

There was a one by one half rectangle of my "skin" sticking up a little. I tell you, that little thing is cool.

I went to my room after that to get changed. I tell you, being in the same clothes for, like, a month is _not_ a good feeling. Ugh, I felt disgusting. I still feel disgusting. After I finish writing this entry I'm going to take a shower. Immediately, straightaway, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Anyway, back to the subject. I went back to my room, feeling disgusting.

Joseph was there.

He was leaning on the window frame, hands in his pockets, and staring outside. His hair was still dirty from months of no washing, and he still wore his dirty clothes.

I don't think I'd ever seen him look hotter.

When he turned around to look at me, he said, "Quite an experience, wasn't it, Artemis?" and smiled.

I smiled back. Not being able to think of anything to say, I just said, "It was nice being alone together though. No parents for miles."

He laughed. "We hardly took advantage of it," he said.

I asked him if he regretted that.

He said, "If Koboi stays in the position she is I'm sure we'll get another chance."

Then I kissed him. Not on the cheek this time. And not one of those disgusting French ones you see on TV where the two are slobbering all over each other's faces.

A real kiss.

It was the first time I'd ever really kissed a guy, besides the time I was drunk. But then...I was drunk. That doesn't count.

* * *

A/N: And _yes, _"Ms. Jeffreys" IS going to be a major character from now on. She's not another would-be major character that plague some of my stories. Just so you know. (And if you've read my Fairywings series (which I'm planning on rewriting, by the way), yes, she is that character).

Also, another note. And a considerably **important note **too. I have some Good News and some Bad News. How about the Bad News first?

Bad News: You're all going to think I'm evil for this, but I'm going to be putting "Like Father, Like Daughter" on hold for a little while. This will be the last chapter for a month or two at least (maybe less if you're lucky, but with school starting up again and everything, I doubt it).

Good News: The reason for this unthinkable action is another story. I have this habit of starting new stories before I finish old ones, but since this is a really long fic, I thought I'd give it a rest for a while. Plus, this new story is BIG. I hope you guys will like it. It won't be posted until after I've finished and edited and have had someone else edit it, but it WILL be posted. And when it is, I trust you guys will read it and tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading so far! You guys are awesome.

* * *


	33. April 10th

A/N: I'M BACK!!!!! Yay! I hope you all enjoyed Wings of Fairies. Remember when I said I had paused the writing of this to finish some other fan fiction? Well, guess what...I wasn't talking about Wings of Fairies. It was actually another one that was so much cooler (...not that...Wings of Fairies is...actually cool...) but unfortunately, when I was about three chapters from finishing it, something went wrong with my computer and my OpenOffice (yes, I use OpenOffice. I like money.) wouldn't let me open the document in which I kept that fic. So I went to my dad, who spends all day working with computers so he had to know _something_, and he fixed it. Unfortunately, he could only save half of it. So while I had written up to chapter ten, he could only save up to chapter four or five or so. Instead of torturing you all to wait another few months while I rewrote the missing chapters and wrote the chapters I had not yet written, I decided to just continue with this.

So that's my long boring story. Now here's the not quite as boring story! Enjoy.

* * *

_April 10__th__, 2034_

"Call me Ettie."

Seriously? I didn't know any of my dad's friends were cool enough to have nicknames. Her name is actually Loretta but she doesn't like it.

Dad still calls her Loretta though.

She likes to play basketball, she graduated from college with a degree in physical education, she lives in a normal house in California with her boyfriend, she loves math. I would think my dad would actually go _out of his way_ to avoid her. But apparently they're good friends. Life is unpredictable.

Last year she was attacked by fairies under Koboi's command and was in the hospital for months. She's all right now, but she has some pretty nasty scars on her right leg and back.

Ettie is pretty cool.

The bad thing about her coming to Fowl Manor is the _thing_ she brought with her. His name is Ira and he's Ettie's nephew. I took an immediate disliking to him. He has brown hair which he keeps relatively long. He usually wears shorts or jeans and a striped polo shirt. He's about my age, and dad and Ettie thought we would get along.

The other day I found him lounging on the couch plugged into his iPod. Always the diplomat, I said, "Hi. You're Ettie's nephew."

He just gave me a look that said "go away. No one wants you."

I don't care. I don't want him either.

I don't think I've ever actually heard his voice. He's so goddamn quiet all the time. It's kind of scary.

I hid his iPod yesterday to get him to talk. He left it on the coffee table in the third floor living room and I took it and put it in the drawer in the second floor bathroom. It worked. He talked.

"Give me back my damn iPod, bitch!"

Now, like most people out there, I don't really like to be called a bitch. I told him to find it himself, which was actually pretty cruel now that I think about it, considering the house I live in. He loves his iPod so much I expected him to have, I don't know, a tracking device of some sort on it, just like the one I have on my back.

It took him a few hours, but he finally looked in the bathroom and found it. Unfortunately, I didn't account on what he would do to me.

This morning I found that the little bastard had taken my laptop.

I hope he realizes this means war.

* * *

A/N: lol, so short. Sorry. I promise the next chapter will be longer.

You all know the drill: if you liked it, review. If not...review anyway to tell me what I need to fix. That would make EVERYBODY happy! (And I'll update quickly to make the rest of you happy)

-Demented Cookies


	34. Announcement

**Announcement**

Hey, guys. Sorry I haven't been updating quickly. I have two excuses: 1) school has been hard. My teachers are piling on the homework. In my class, if you can believe it, it's hard being a straight A student. My English teacher warns that if I get a B for a semester grade, "he and my parents are going to talk" so I'm kind of struggling to keep my grades above B level right now because we were assigned 4 essays last week and I haven't done one of them. 2) I'm losing interest in the whole diary thing. So I've decided this:

If you guys want, I will end this here (deleting the last chapter because it's a bad ending) and continue with this in third person. If you have a preference, please review and tell me. If the majority votes for this one to continue as is, I'll do that, but the updates will be slow. The choice is A) continue in third person and probably have faster updates or B) continue as is and have slow updates.

Thanks, guys!!!

-Cookies


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Hey, guys, I'm back! And with some fiction too! Here are the results of our poll:

(A) keep as is: 25%

(B) third person/omniscient: 37.5%

(C) first person: 37.5%

As you can see, that makes it kind of complicated (honestly, I was hoping more of you would vote...). But since I made a mistake and forgot to put the (C) choice up here in the first place (most of those votes came from other websites), I'll go with what I had originally (which is (B)). BUT (and here's the big 'but') I agree with many of you that the diary format is part of what makes "Like Father, Like Daughter" so unique, so I'm sort of keeping it. I'll put it in a little bit in some chapters and will probably be longer than what I have in this one.

Thanks for your patience. School is out in TWO DAYS! so I'll be updating quicker. I'll have more time to do this. But I got into this really expensive summer school (summer school for A-students, not F-students) but my school is paying for it so I feel obligated to go. I'll be taking a class called the Writing Process at UC Berkeley (University of California, Berkeley) two days a week for six weeks. Supposedly, we have to write an essay each class and if you don't get an A or a B you don't get school credit. And if I miss more than one class I'm kicked out of the whole thing, and late work is counted as an F. AAAHHH!!!!! THE STRESS!!!!!!!! So if I'm not updating as quick as I should during summer vacation, you know why.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling now (you see, I have this problem with rambling. I'll just go on and on about something that has nothing whatsoever to do with the original topic just because it popped into my head. See, here I go again. I really have to stop this. It's like that time yesterday when my friend was sitting outside the school waiting for his parents and I just...never mind. It doesn't matter. I'll stop now). I've plotted it out and I'm introducing a bunch of new characters (which you will meet in THIS CHAPTER!!!) so I hope you enjoy it and don't get confused. On with PART TWO of "Like Father, Like Daughter"!!

* * *

**Part Two**

_June 5__th__, 2034_

I've turned to Joseph for comfort from His Assholey-ness (a.k.a. Ira). He still hasn't given me back my laptop. I'm thinking about calling the local police to report theft, but the cops are assholes too. Does theft count as theft if the stolen item is probably still in the house? Whatever, the cops don't like me very much anyway.

"Hello, Artemis."

Artemis looked up from her journal. Joseph stood in the doorway to her room. Smiling, she turned it off and stowed it in her pillow case, under the cushion.

"Joseph," Artemis said. "I'd say 'what are you doing here?' but that's so clichéd, isn't it?"

"I was passing through the neighborhood," he said. "Thought I'd stop by."

"No you didn't."

Joseph smiled and sat on her bed, lifting his socked feet up with him to sit cross-legged. "You're right, I didn't. Did you do your homework?"

Artemis frowned. "Homework?"

"I knew it. Mr. Perreault assigned you an essay on the history of France using the vocabulary words from chapter three to five to work on while your parents kept you out of school and Mrs. Lamberti assigned you pages 453 to 467 in the Algebra II workbook that you are _supposed_ to keep in your backpack." He scratched his head. "I thought the school emailed you. That's what they said."

"Well, I didn't get an email," Artemis said. "And I _do _keep my workbook in my backpack. I just keep my backpack in my locker."

Joseph shrugged. "Well, I guess you can do the essay on the history of France."

"Guess I could."

Artemis paused for a moment, then remembered Ira still had her laptop, and also remembered she had left the textbook in which the vocabulary words were in her backpack, which was in her locker.

Joseph seemed to detect this and said, "Well, I should be getting back home then, if you don't need help on your homework. I'll bring you the textbook next time I come, which should be tomorrow or the next day. Maybe I'll be able to get your backpack from your locker. I know your combination." He stood up, brushing the wrinkles out of his beige khakis.

"I'm sorry, Jo," Artemis said. "I know I'm a dumbass. I've been a dumbass all my life. I'm trying to change."

Joseph smiled. "I know." He kissed her briefly on the mouth, then left the room.

Artemis stared after him for a moment or two, then flopped down on her bed, feeling the mattress push her back up again then let her down gently. Her journal made a lump in her pillow, but she didn't mind.

* * *

Jadon also had a lump in his pillow. Actually, he had more like five lumps in his pillow, and seventeen more on his mattress. He'd counted. They made his wings very uncomfortable, but he had to endure. After all, he had asked for this. At ninety-seven, he knew his decisions were his own. He didn't really mind.

As he lay on his bunk—the bottom one on a stack of two, with the top unoccupied—he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

"How about you Narcissus?" Phlox said in a low voice. "What would you do if the LEP caught up with us?"

Narcissus laughed and stroked his golden curls. "They wouldn't catch me," he said, half to his peers, half to the mirror he was gazing into. "I'm too cunning for them. And even if they got lucky and _did_ catch me, they would probably let me go."

"Why?"

Jadon glanced over, curious, as Narcissus gestured at his face. "The obvious answer, Phlox. Duh."

"Because he's a pretty-boy, that's why," Gentian, an elf famous throughout the Followers for his physical ability, said. "Me, I would kick their righteous asses to Pluto and back."

Jadon silently chuckled.

"I wouldn't mind getting caught so much," Mullein said, "as long as the officer cuffing me is that sexy Short babe."

"You mean Captain Holly Short?" Phlox said. "Yeah, right. She would have you on your knees and kissing her ass before you could lay a finger on her."

Mullein laughed. "I wouldn't mind that so much."

Jadon winced. He'd seen that coming. Mullein was such a man-whore, it seemed amazing he had been able to take his eyes off the Haven City girls this long. Or perhaps he had his eyes on Miss Koboi. That would explain it. Although...with nearly fifty males in the entire organization, it seemed like a steep competition. And none of the women were all that much to look at.

Except Dahlia, of course.

Everybody knew that Dahlia was the most beautiful elf this side of the earth, even Jadon who, for ninety-seven years, had managed to stay a virgin. He was the one who cringed and covered his eyes in grade school while learning about puberty. As the other guys in his room were looking at naked elves on the Internet, Jadon was burying his nose in a book, hoping his male peers wouldn't bring up that dreaded subject that made his green cheeks suddenly turn so red someone would look at him and say—

"It's not Christmas yet, retard."

Phlox, Narcissus, Mullein, and Gentian all smiled knowingly at Jadon, who turned an even brighter shade of red.

Phlox laughed out loud. "I didn't know sprites could blush so bad! I always thought it would be green."

"Discussion too personal for you, Katz? Need some air?"

"You put tomatoes to shame."

Narcissus chuckled, but said, "Maybe you guys should lay off."

Jadon glowered at them, letting them know exactly what he thought of them, before turning over to face the wall.

* * *

A/N: Short I know, but next chapter should be longer (is it just me, or do I say that a lot?)

-Demented Cookies


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: SCHOOL IS OVER!!!!!! Yesterday was the last day of school!! This means I'll have more time to write!! But then, strangely, I'm kind of going to miss seeing my friends every day and going to school. This year was actually really fun. My teachers were awesome, there wasn't really any drama (except for when these two assholes were about to be voted off the volleyball team. They should have been. It was unanimous, we all voted them off but, because one of them has parents who work at the school, they stayed on the team. Assholes). Yeah, but all my teachers this year are going to be there next year so I can see them and stuff, because they were awesome (in fact, one of them is going to be principal next year...).

Anyway, enough talk.

* * *

A week later, Artemis was back in school. As she walked through the entrance gates, her bodyguards at her side, some people stared, some people glared, but most people just wondered where she had been for so long. When she walked into her homeroom class, the students erupted into a mass of whispers. Apparently there was a rumor going around that she had been kidnapped by some of her father's political enemies, which was something he just happened to have in abundance.

Butler and Davy, her bodyguards, stood at opposite sides of the room, watching Artemis behind mirrored sunglasses. Butler's suit jacket creased at her elbows when she folded her arms silently over her chest and Davy absentmindedly scratched his shoulder. Artemis thought they must be great poker players.

Rhiannon glanced over at her amusingly, then began writing something on her notebook. She turned the notebook to look over at Artemis. _"Your dad finally realized you need babysitters."_

Artemis gave her the finger.

Someone put a hand on her shoulder. "The best way to avoid conflict," Butler whispered in her ear, "is to avoid insulting others."

Artemis fumed in her seat while Rhi laughed.

* * *

Artemis had never looked good in blue. Neither had she looked good in yellow, orange, or green, for that matter. Not that she cared. Sometimes she enjoyed looking like the living dead. After all, she had inherited most of her appearance from her father. Black hair and pale skin have always gone good in simple black.

So that's what she came out of her room wearing that evening after her father told her they were going out to dinner. He said "dress accordingly" but Artemis III was never really known to dress accordingly to anything. She came out of her room wearing black skinny jeans and a black and white striped tube top with earrings that didn't really match anything in her wardrobe.

As she stepped off the stairs onto the ground floor, Ira, who had been waiting at the base of the stairs, held something out to her. It was flat and rectangular.

"My laptop!" she said, grabbing it out of his hands and hugging it to her chest.

"I was growing tired of hiding it," Ira said. His long hair was pulled back behind his head. "It didn't seem like you would find it any time this century."

"Where the hell was it?"

"Under your mattress."

Artemis glowered at him. "Fucker."

Ira turned around toward the big oak doors leading out to the driveway. Artemis still held the laptop to her chest. "You Americans are all the same," she said, to no one in particular. "Think you're all that. I knew where it was the entire time."

The breeze blew in through the open doors where Ira stood waiting. "Hurry up. Your dad has the car on and he's waiting for you."

* * *

_June, 2034_

This place is shitty. Anyone with half a brain can tell the chandelier is fake and the candles on the walls have light bulbs in them. I mean, our breakfast room is fancier than this shit house. The waiter's mustache looks like a caterpillar.

Don't get me wrong, I eat at fast food burger joints all the time when mom and dad aren't looking, but I can't stand places that pretend to be fancy when it's obvious the waiters are being paid minimum wage.

Dad doesn't allow me to use electronics at the dinner table, even though I can just tell he did when he was my age, so I have to keep my journal under the table, which isn't actually very comfortable.

What also isn't comfortable is the fact Ira just _happened_ to grab the seat next to mine. I feel like telling him to go away but there isn't another seat. Maybe if I switch seats with mom...

* * *

Artemis could feel the eyes of someone else burning a hole in her back. She turned sharply. "What do you want?" she said.

Ira moved back a little on his chair but continued to gaze over her shoulder. "What are you writing?"

Artemis looked back at her parents. They were deep in conversation with Loretta—Ettie—and probably wouldn't notice anything short of Artemis stabbing Ira in the eye with her spoon.

"None of your business," Artemis said.

Ira shrugged and returned to the menu.

Giving him one last glare, Artemis turned off her journal, finding it too dangerous to be writing in public like that. She looked around, and frowned. "Mom," she said, "where's Butler and Davy?" Not that she cared, of course...It was just strange not to have them breathing down her neck.

"Hm?" Minerva said, looking up from the menu.

"Butler and Davy?"

Minerva smiled. "Oh, yes," she said. "Your father thought they deserved a night off."

"No they don't."

"I agree. If anything were to happen. I tried to dissuade him, but you know how stubborn your father can be. Besides, their salary comes from his pay check, not mine."

Artemis clenched her jaw. "Yeah, I guess that's understandable. Better to give the bodyguards a night off and risk the life of his daughter than lose a couple hundred euros."

Minerva put a hand on her elbow. "Please, Artemis," she said. "Your father probably knows what he's doing." She smiled. "He _is_ a genius."

"So are you."

Minerva's smile faded. "Artemis. Don't be like that."

"I'm no more fond of those two rip offs than a chicken is to the egg-collector-person-whatever, but I could think of better things to do than to be kidnapped by that midget pixie again," Artemis said. Her voice was sharp enough to cut, and it seems like Minerva felt the cold blade.

"I know that, Artemis. Don't worry. Your father knows what he's doing. Just please let us enjoy this night out, even if you don't."

Artemis looked at her mother with fire in her eyes. Then she pushed her chair out and stood up. "This is bullshit," she said, and stormed away from the table.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading. By the way, I spent all morning figuring out my average number of days for reading books. Because I keep a book journal in which I write the day I started a book and the day I ended, I was able to get how many days it has taken me to read each book since December 2006. My average for 2007 was 7 days and my average for 2008 was about 5.3 days. I made a line graph and color coded it to see how the averages per month related to each other each year, and I noticed a couple huge mountains in the middle of the valley: in June, July, and August I seem to read a lot slower than in the other months.

I know. I have no life. I take my reading very seriously.

You all know the drill: if you liked it, review. If not...review anyway to tell me what I need to fix. That would make everybody happy!

-Demented Cookies.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: Yeah, this chapter was a little late. I kinda disappeared from everything the last two weeks because the first week I was in Grass Valley, California for the Father's Day Bluegrass Festival!!! It was so much frickin' fun!!! Pretty much everybody at the festival was a musician and people would be jamming all night until about five in the morning. In was in a forest like place and there was this one part that was, like, a city of RV's (I was in a tent though) and under just about every fourth RV there was a group of people in lawn chairs jamming to some bluegrass standards like "Little Maggie" and "Old Joe Clark" and "Salty Dog" and stuff like that. Me and my dad weren't quite good enough on our instruments to participate in those (he's learning the banjo and I'm learning mandolin) so we just played in the slow jam, at which we were probably in the middle. Anyway, enough talk. Let's get on with the chapter.

* * *

"Sacheverell Leonidas Swindlehurst VI. Son of Sacheverell L. Swindlehurst V and Madam Marriane St. Frond, grandson of Sir Sacheverell L. Swindlehurst IV and Lady Sandrine-Amarylis (that's _Saun-dreen_) Eloise de Periwinkle, great-grandson of Sacheverell L. Swindlehurst III and Rose-Anne Bougainvillea. Pleased to meet your acquaintance."

The newcomer, Sacheverell Leonidas Swindlehurst VI, was about two feet three inches tall with neatly combed blond hair and bright blue eyes that twinkled as he held out his hand.

Phlox, lying on his bunk, merely shrugged. Gentian went back to examining his arm muscles. Narcissus arranged his hair in the mirror. Mullein turned back to his _Pretty Pixies _magazine. Jadon just turned over.

Sacheverell Leonidas Swindlehurst VI's smile was as bright as one of Foaly's computer generated crescent moons, and about as big too. "But you can just call me Sacheverell. 'Sir' would work as well."

Nobody moved.

Sacheverell sighed. "Since I know you all come from primitive backgrounds, I'll be kind. Remember: when someone holds out their hand to you like this, you hold it with your right hand and shake up and down briefly." He held up his finger like a teacher teaching a class of particularly dull children. "It's an important lesson that will last you the rest of your lives."

Gentian groaned as he sat up on his bunk and stood up, stretching his back and loosening his arms. "You know what?" he said. "I'm getting tired of this midget. Come here so I can pound your face in."

The little pixie ignored him. Instead he smiled and clapped his hands together once. "While I'm going to be staying in here with all of you until the great Miss Koboi says otherwise, we might as well get to know each other! You, sir," he pointed at Jadon, "what is your name?"

Jadon looked at him in a puzzled fashion. "Well, uh...Jadon," he said. He was about to turn back over and block this annoying little maggot from his brain but Sacheverell looked at him expectantly. "Um...Katz. Jadon Katz."

When he did not continue, Sacheverell gestured in a way that suggested there must be more to it. "Family line?" he said.

Family. That dreaded word. The moment it came out of Sacheverell's mouth, it dug up memories that had been buried deep in his subconscious. A white hospital room, the smell of disinfectants...his mother, her face stained with tears and hair a mess from days without sleep. And then his father...Jadon used to like to believe he was some place better, watching him. But he had given up those fantasies a decade ago. The only thing that reminded him of why he was doing what he was doing, was the blind hatred for Artemis Fowl II, and his unconditional loyalty to Amber Koboi.

"Don't ask him about that," Narcissus said. "He's sensitive. I'm Narcissus Mignonette, though. Son of no one."

Sacheverell looked at him strangely. "How is that?"

"Because of Artemis Fowl, my parents disowned me. You see, I had a terrible habit of shoplifting to get what I wanted because no one would suspect be, I'm so beautiful." Everybody else groaned. "But because of the threat of Fowl, security all around Haven was increased and I was caught. My parents disowned me and I was to spend a decade in prison―not much of a sentence, but hey, I was just shoplifting―but I met Gentian there and he got me hooked up with the Followers."

"Yeah," Mullein said, "Gentian was the first of all of us to be part of the Followers. I'm Mullein, by the way."

"Why _did_ you join the Followers, Lacomb?" Narcissus said.

"I told you already," Mullein said. "Artemis Fowl took down my favorite porn site."

"Yeah, you told us _that_," Phlox said, cleaning his hoof with a hoof pick. "You also told us it's because you wanted to screw around with the Fowl girl. What's the real reason?"

"Those probably _are_ the real reasons," Gentian said, "the perverted bastard. If Fowl the second becomes a grandfather, I wouldn't be surprised if it was Lacomb that did the fu―"

"I'm Phlox Ban-ei," Phlox said, interrupting Gentian quickly. "I joined the Followers because Fowl is a nosy asshole. That's all."

Sacheverell looked at Gentian. "How about you? I gather your name is Gentian."

Gentian chewed absentmindedly at his fingernail.

Narcissus sighed. "His name is Gentian Larkspur. Like Katz over there, he doesn't talk much about why or how he found the Followers. I don't understand why..."

"You just can't stop talking about yourself," Gentian said. "I'm quiet in contrast."

Jadon realized Sacheverell's smile had lasted through the entire conversation. "Now that we're all friends," Sacheverell said, "we can all―"

"Go stuff yourself, rich boy," Gentian said. "I don't know what Miss Koboi was thinking. She should have put you in the women's wing."

Smile having faded, Sacheverell dropped his bag on the bunk above Jadon's. Jadon felt himself feeling a little sorry for Sacheverell. He was younger than everybody else in the room―couldn't be any more than seventy―and obviously came from a wealthy family. It was a big change from that to a compact room filled with five other males from working class families.

There was that word again. It had popped up before Jadon could stop it.

"Dad..." Jadon whispered to himself.

* * *

It was sunny and warm on the outskirts of Dublin. Jadon, Gentian, and Sacheverell sat in a tree across the road from Fowl Manor's gates. On the screen in Gentian's hands, they watched Artemis Fowl II sit at his desk before his sleek €1207.64 computer. He looked so confident, like he was sure what he was doing was the right, humane thing to do.

"I hate him," Gentian said, knuckles turning white from gripping the screen. "Damned bastard. I want to rip his guts out."

"Rest assured the feeling is probably mutual," Sacheverell said, "considering how much he's done to us."

"Be quiet. No one asked for your opinion."

Jadon just nodded, but his grip on the rough branch tightened. He wanted to look away from the screen, away from the man who was to blame for all of his problems. But his eyes were glued. His jaw clenched, his nails drew scratch marks on the branch, but he could not look away. Everything but the screen did not exist anymore.

Someone else came into the room. It was a blond woman who appeared to be about Fowl's age. She put her hands on Fowl's shoulders. Must be his wife.

"You're working too hard, dear," Mrs. Fowl said. "You should relax. I'm sure the world will be alright for a few moments."

Fowl didn't smile, but he nodded and said, "I suppose you are right."

A boy who was outside the camera's view said, "Artemis will be home from school soon."

Mrs. Fowl linked her arm though her husband's. "You should spend some time with her. Be a father." She led him to the door, stopping only to say, "Come on, Ira."

The blond woman's last words to her husband shook Jadon from his daze. A father. He knew—had known—that Fowl had a daughter, but never thought of him as being a _father_.

"Dad..."

"What was that?" Sacheverell said.

Gentian snorted. "Talking about his old man again. All he ever does. Can't see why. _My_ old man never did anything positive for _me_."

"If not for him though," Sacheverell said, "you wouldn't be alive."

"Yeah?" Gentian said. "Your point?"

The branch seemed to wobble under Jadon. Perhaps it was all the thoughts crowding his head.

"Dad..."

Gentian turned away from the screen. "Just shut up about your dad, okay? We get the idea. You miss your dad. We don't need to hear it anymore, d'arvit."

Jadon was brought back to reality all the way. "It's not your problem, Larkspur. You wouldn't know. You never had a father."

"Didn't need one," Gentian said. "I turned out fine. Look at you. You're a depressed daddy's boy who talks to himself."

Jadon didn't say anything. The steam built up inside his brain.

"You know what I think? I think you're just upset because your mom died after your dad instead of staying with you. You're just mad she didn't love you as much."

Jadon had thought of that option, but had dismissed it as impossible. Hearing it from somebody else's mouth brought the though back like a teenager to his or her childhood toy.

"Hey, guys," Sacheverell said. Gentian and Jadon turned back to him. Sacheverell held his radio in his hands. "Something is happening over by the Fowl girl's school. Says we're to go over there ASAP."

Jadon glared one last time at Gentian, who powered up his wings. The three of them lifted off and soared into the sky.

* * *

A/N: You all know the drill: if you liked it, review. If not...review anyway to tell me what I need to fix. That would make EVERYBODY happy!!

-Cookies


	38. Announcement!

**Announcement #2**

I'm sorry for all these announcements and no new chapters, but this is important.

I got a review from someone suggesting I split part one and part two of Like Father Like Daughter and make part two a sequel. The more I think about it the more it seems like a good idea (also it will make it easier for new readers not to read the crappy stuff in the beginning). I may or may not delete the already existing chapters of part two, but I WILL repost them in the sequel, the name of which I do not know yet and for which I am taking requests into consideration.

And no, I am not stupid, I did think of this before I posted part two, but I wanted more reviews on this. None of my other fanfictions have over one hundred reviews.

If any of you don't want me to make it a sequel instead of part of the story, please feel free to tell me in a review, but it is unlikely I will change my mind.

Hm...I read what I wrote so far and it seems kind of...serious for me. I don't even use any contractions. Huh. Okay, well just for kicks and funnynessity, here's a joke:

There are three brothers, Bagel, Chagel, and Fagel. One day, the oldest, Bagel, decides to go move to America. "I'm going to move to America!" he says. "And I'm going to change my name to Buck!" So Bagel became Buck and he moved to America. The next oldest, Chagel says, "I'm going to move to America! And I'm going to change my name to Chuck!" So Chagel became Chuck and he moved to America. Fagel, the youngest, says, "I think I'll just say home."

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I love that joke. If you don't get it, tell me in a review and I'll explain. It can kinda take awhile.

Hugs and Kisses!

Cookies


End file.
